Ver Beek Blog

I have this intense desire to “nest” before chemo begins.  To get everything in order.  I need to have the house clean, laundry done, the kid’s winter clothes put away and summer clothes out, etc. 

Since Dr. Vander Woude said my hair would DEFINITELY fall out I called our insurance company this morning and was happy to find out that part of the wig cost is covered.  She gave me three stores in Holland to go to.  Also, since I’ll have my hair for only a couple more weeks I always wondered what I would look like with short hair so I made an appointment to have my hair chopped off.  

With my best friend Jill in tow, we spent the afternoon going on a wig hunt.  After realizing the three stores my insurance referred me to were useless (one was in Iowa, the other sold compression garments and the third was closed for lunch and the only thing we saw in the window were orthopedic shoes) we decided to regroup and went out for lunch.  Then we went to the wig store on Lakewood Blvd in Holland.  It was actually kind of fun to try on different styles and colors.  After that, I got my hair chopped off.   Everytime I see myself in the mirrror I take a second look. 

Everyone I see comments on how cheery I am.  I think they expect me to be a wreck.  To be crying constantly or fighting back tears.  Scared or sad.  I’m thinking positively.  I know the prayers that are being said for me are giving me an intense peace.  I’ve resolved to enjoy the good days because I know bad days are coming.  Days where I won’t feel good or I’m too tired to play with my kids.  But the days when I feel okay are the days I’m going to enjoy.  So today was a good day.  I had a lot of fun with my friend wigging out and playing with the kids tonight.

Tomorrow is when all the testing begins.  I have blood work and CT scans tomorrow.  Friday I have the MUGA scan to test my heart.  Monday I have the surgery to implant the port.  Chemo will start on Tuesday or Thursday.  I haven’t heard when the lymph node biopsy will take place. 

I still feel a little numb.  It doesn’t feel real.  Everything is happening so quickly. 

I look forward to reading your emails and comments all the time.  I get so excited to see them.  They lift me up.  The verses and encouragement you’ve shared are extremely comforting.  Thank you for them.  I’m sorry I haven’t been able to email all of you back.  Things are pretty crazy right now.