Control

8. June 2009 by Lindy.

The past couple days haven’t been better.  I’m awake more, but still nauseas.  I called the doctor this morning and they gave me a different med to use in combination with one of my current meds.  Hopefully that will help.  They said there are other options so if this doesn’t work, don’t get discouraged. 

I’m starting to freak out again.  My hair is going to fall out this weekend.  I dread my second chemo course next week because of the nausea.  I hate that I can’t play with and hold my kids the way I normally would because of my port.  I have to be careful that Max and Samantha don’t head-butt or punch the port with their little hands. 

It is so hard to turn this all over to God.  I am a control freak.  I’m considering shaving my hair off before the weekend because that’s the ONE thing I can control right now.  But then the dutch in me shines through and thinks “don’t do that.  You still have a little shampoo left in the bottle.  If you shave your hair early you will have wasted some shampoo.”  I can’t believe I just wrote that.  You know you can relate.  You can right? 

We didn’t make it to church yesterday, but we did, as I lovingly call it from my preggo days, couch church.  We tuned in via the webcast.  The morning and evening messages were excellent.  In the morning we had Pastor Dale Cooper and he spoke about asking the Holy Spirit to give us the strength to face our challenges.  Last night was Pastor Don Cousins and he spoke about when we pray to listen and not do all the talking.

I need to ask the Holy Spirit to help me turn over all my worries and cares about the future to Jesus.  To fill me with the strength I need to overcome cancer and chemo.  To fill Dusty, my mom and the other wonderful childcare providers the strength to get through the day with our three kids.     

We are so thankful for everyone who is helping or has helped out.  From childcare to fun for Brooke.  From meal organizers to meal makers, from lawn mowing to house cleaning.  So many of you have given to us in so many ways.  We will not forget it.  THANK YOU!

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