Waking Up

November 9. 2009 by Lindy.

My body is starting to wake up from surgery.  I’m sore, crampy and tired.  I counted my incision scars from neck to hips and I have ten (not including mole removals).  I think this ends my dream of ever wearing a bikini again.  :) 

It’s still hard for me to look at myself.  When I bathe, change bandages or empty my drains, I emotionally remove myself, get the job done, and then sit on my bed and cry.  Nothing can prepare a person for this.  I’ve thought about this surgery all summer.  I’ve seen pictures of what it will look like.  I understood it was going to happen to me and why.  Actually seeing it on me is another thing.  It makes me sad, turns my stomach and makes me angry all at the same time.  I don’t see myself when I look in the mirror.    

I miss Max and Samantha.  I’ve seen Max a couple times and he wants me to pick him up and doesn’t understand why I can’t.  It breaks my heart.  Brooklyn is doing great.     

I go to Dr. Hoberman on Wednesday.  She thinks we’ll be able to remove the drains (yippee!) and we should have the pathology reports by then.  I will not miss the drains.  They are so gross and uncomfortable. 

Samantha is going to see Dr. Burdo-Hartman tomorrow (Dusty will be looking for you Barb!).  She’s the specialist Samantha sees from her birth trauma a year ago.  Please pray for another good visit without any disappointing news.  She’s a true miracle.  

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