Today was my fourth round of radiation and it’s going well. I haven’t had a skin reaction yet (that shows up in a few more days) and I’m tired.
My emotion for radiation is anger. I find myself getting very angry. I’m laying on a table in the middle of a big room completely exposed with my feet banded together, my arms in stirrups above my head and a machine going around me zapping my insides. I’m not sure where the anger comes in, but that’s how I feel when I’m laying there for my five minute zap. Maybe it’s because I’m cancer free and yet this is another treatment with more side effects to deal with. All I know is that it’s not self pity. It’s anger. The pity comes later when I’m so tired that changing another diaper feels like climbing a mountain.
The only lasting side effect I have from chemo is forgetfulness.
The lasting side effect from surgery is loss of motion in my right arm, but that’s working out with physical therapy which I go to once a week.
On a positive note we went to Haven’s Christmas Program Sunday night and it was awesome. All the kids did a great job, but we’re especially proud of Brooklyn. I will have to get Dusty to post a video from last year’s program compared to this year’s program. Last year she refused to sing. She would make eye contact with us in the audience, cross her arms and whip her head to the side with her chin up as a non verbal sign that we can’t make her sing. This year we used threats and guilt to make her sing. Dusty threatened no Christmas presents (okay I thought that was extreme) and I said she is singing for Jesus because we’re celebrating his birthday and he wants to see and hear her sing. She performed like a Broadway star. Motions…singing…it was beautiful.
The other good news is that I can lift Max and Samantha again. They have started to take some steps by themselves without holding on to anything. They’ll be walking in no time. It will be a Christmas miracle for Samantha. Especially when I look back to last year and her being able to walk was at the bottom of our list of worries for her.
I can’t believe it’s going to be Christmas next week. I cheated this year and bought Christmas tree cookies from Meijer. The energy I do have I want to spend with my kids, so if you’re a recipient of one of those cookies I apologize. 🙂
Wow, those special mommy moments are just priceless….I am sure your heart swelled with pride when Brooklyn took the stage and sang for her Christmas presents and of course Jesus too:) Too cute!
I received my Christmas card today and want to say hats off to you for finding the time and energy to do that. To you it may seem like a no brainer but with all you have been through its amazing!!! Your children are beautiful and the blessings you have recieved this year are truely a gift from above, with all the tough times comes all the good times. You are an amazing inspiration for being able to keep sight of the positives and I am so glad you are able to find wonderful things to be thankful for this holiday season – I believe there will be a lot more thankful moments for your family in 2010! Love and Happy Holidays! Jen
That is funny you say that about the cookies……….Brooke just said last night that those are the best Christmas cookies she has ever had! 🙂 (p.s.I can only picture how cute Brooke looked in her Christmas program, she knew every song word for word!) Have a Merry Christmas!! Alisha
Oh,Lindy, what joy God has given you in the midst of your storm. There is no price to put on your Christmas gifts this year! What a blessing to know that even with all Brooklyn has been through, she still has a song in her heart that rises above her anger and emotions that sweep over her also. It is a testimony to her security in her parent’s love for her, and God’s love for her, as well as her love for you and God. Give her a big hug from us and tell her we’re proud of her!! And Lindy, as you lay on that table with all control taken from you, I pray you may feel the arms that were once strapped & nailed to the cross wrapped around you, healing you, and loving you. Shalom, Love, & Prayers…
What… I ALWAYS buy Christmas cookies at Meijers. I thought all moms did….. 🙂 Don’t you even feel bad about that one missy! So glad to hear that at least this round of treatments is painless. We will pray that the skin reaction is minimal if not at all. Enjoy the holidays. Rest. Spend quality time with family. Love. Laugh. and most of all Live! Love ya lots! Tina
I haven’t made any xmas cookies this year eather! and i didn’t even send out a xmas card! Oh well, i agree time with the kids is WAY more important!!
Sorry about the mixup in dinner dates the other day! At least you could throw it in the fridge! PHEW!
I can’t wait to see a video when samantha starts walking!!!!
So glad to read that you are tolerating the radiation fairly well, aside from the emotions you feel laying there. I believe that they are all normal and natural feelings. I am happy for you and Dusty that you can enjoy some Christmas celebrations with your kids…especially seeing Brooklyn enjoy praising and worshipping our Lord. Those are such precious moments. I was even teary at the Jingle Jog the other day. They grow up so fast and they are so sweet. (well most of time:) You are in the home stretch girl so keep going…you will get there. 2010 is a new year and you will have much to celebrate!
HI Lindy:
Thanks for all your kind words. I am bummed about a longer course of chemo, but happy that it is the most aggressive. Like I have said, I will do this one time and one time only. SO you have Christmas radiation and I will have Christmas chemo. Yipee!!!!
I loved having lunch with you and Jill. It was great to meet you and you inspire me to march forward. You were (are) a huge source of information to me and I will be indebted to you for that!
My email is amarharper@chartermi.net!!
Thanks again for everything. Enjoy your holidays!
Amy H
It was soooooo good seeing you and the family last night. You have come such a long way. We’ll keep praying that the radiation will go well and life will soon be back to “normal”
Dusty & Lindy, It was SO good to see you and the kids tonight! And, Lindy, you looked great! I mean that!! You seemed to be doing good tonight too, unless you’re really good at hiding it! 🙂 So, that was awesome to see that too! Hang in there, girl! You continue to be in our prayers! luv ya all!
Hey Lindy ~ You’ve been on my mind a lot, so I just thought I’d let you know I’m thinking about you. Merry Christmas!
Merry Christmas VerBeek family. Thanks for the card. We love the pics. Hope everyone is feeling good and you can enjoy lots of time with family and friends. A new year is upon us. Let’s leave this one behind. Your starting it off cancer free. Celebrate girl.
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