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Ver Beek Blog

Our young family battling stage IV breast cancer one day at a time
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Archive for March, 2011

Spring Break

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As of 3:45 today Spring Break has officially begun!  Yahooooooooo.  We’re not going away this year because we have too much going on, but it’ll be fun nonetheless.

I’m putting a post out because I’ve been having a rough time getting off the steroid.  If you have a moment to pray today, could you put one up there for me?  I will take my last dose of the steroid on Friday.  Tapering off has been brutal and I’ve had every side effect possible.  You name, I’ve had it.   Nausea, vomitting, migraines (they put my on a new migraine med and it’s helped tremendously – PTL), fatigue, muscle aches/pains, the blahs, etc.  The NP at Dr. Schott’s office said they will go away in about a month and I just need to press on.  So press on I shall.  In the meantime, it’s gonna suck, but I’ll be fine.  I’ll be fine….I say that a lot lately. 

Oh great God be small enough to hear me now. 

I wish you all a wonderful Spring Break with your families no matter where you spend it.  Be safe, Be kind, Be a blessing. 

What if the cancer wins?

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Oh how things have changed in the past two years.  Brooklyn was five when I was first diagnosed.  I remember telling her that I have cancer and her response was something like “Oh no.  Can I watch a movie now?”

Saturday night Dusty and I were in the living room watching TV.  The kids had been in a bed for well over an hour, Brooklyn must have had trouble getting to sleep.  She walked in the living room with tears rolling down her cheeks and in a very small voice she asks “Mom…what if the cancer wins?” (more tears and a few sobs).  Wow.  She’s seven now and has come along way since five.  She asked me a similar question when she was five and I said that I will get to go to heaven if the cancer wins.  Her response at that time was that I’ll finally know what Jesus and God look like. 

I sat there for a while not knowing which answer to go with.  We’ve always tried to be as honest as possible with her.  Should I be honest again and say I’ll die?  This is clearly not the time to talk about mom dying.  This poor child is scared out of her mind.  She goes on to say “I need a mom”.  That sound you may have heard rumble throughout the town was my heart breaking.  The only thing I could say was that I want to be her mom and I’m going to fight the cancer with everything I have.  I told her the doctors say the disease is stable and I’m doing as good as I can be with my diagnosis.  We need to keep praying and trust that God will heal me.  She understands that my cancer is from satan and not God.  That God loves us.  Such a difficult subject to talk about with a seven year old. 

It’s amazing who cancer affects and in how many different ways.  Poor kid.  No seven year old should have to deal with the thoughts that she has.  She also sobbed that “daddy will never get married again!” I told her that if I’m not here anymore, daddy could get married again and that I’m okay with it (as long as she’s perfect). 

As far as my health, I’ve been tapering off the Prednisone and it’s not going very well.  I am going to press on and get off the steroids because I need to.  However, I’ve had migraines nearly every day (I think that’s what scares Brooklyn) and my fatigue is getting slightly worse. No fun. 

Our house is moving along well.  Everyone has been working hard on it. 

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Please Pray: 

  • Please pray for Brooklyn as she stumbles through the web of cancer. 
  • Pray that we, as her parents, will know what to say. 
  • Pray that my adrenal gland kicks into full gear.
  • Pray for my Cancer Club friends in their different stages of the disease.
  • Praise for my family and friends who help our family in many ways. 

Praise God

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Thank you for the prayers you’ve covered us with.  We felt an extreme amount of peace today.  Everything went well.  The drive was good and my appointment went even better. 

I received a great report from Dr. Schott at U of M.  The MRI of my brain I had last week showed “no evidence of disease progression”.  I’m still considered stable.  The MRI also showed the two tumors that are still visible do not have a blood supply.  That’s good news.  They suspect the tumor spots that still show up on the MRI are dead tissue from the Gamma Knife Surgery I had in September at Mayo.  This coincides with what Dr. Parney at Mayo warned us about.  He said after he zaps the tumors I could develop scar tissue (dead tissue) in their place. 

When I have my MRI’s, I have them with and without contrast.  The contrast is something they inject me with half way through the MRI and it shows the blood supply in my brain.  We could clearly see that neither spot had a blood supply going to it.  PRAISE THE LORD.  God is good.  I am blessed.  Thank you for your prayers of healing.  I don’t feel worthy of such grace. 

My lab work looked good too.  Slightly anemic, but nothing to worry about. 

Our next plan of action is to get me off the Prednisone (steroid).  I’ve been on steroids since August.  AUGUST!  I’ve tried tapering off them 3-4 times and my adrenal gland has failed me everytime.  Let’s pray that my adrenal gland will wake up and do its job.  I need to get off the steroids. 

The other great news of the day is that we had an offer on our house and it looks like things are working out.  I know nothing is final until the papers are signed, but I dare say our house is sold!  It was on the market for two weeks!  Amazing. 

I go back to U of M in three months for a bone scan, CT of chest/abdomen/pelvis and brain MRI. 

We always end our nightly meal with a prayer.  When Brooklyn was little, we would say Amen and then bust out in this song.  Now Max and Samantha do it.  It was in my head the whole way home today.  Hopefully you remember the song too. 

Amen

Praise the Lord

Amen

Praise the Lord

Glory Hallelujah

Praise the Lord

I’m gonna jump down turn around, touch the ground

Praise my Lord!

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