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Ver Beek Blog

Our young family battling stage IV breast cancer one day at a time
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Archive for June, 2011

Summertime

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We’ve had a busy week and I’m sorry I haven’t updated with my decision for treatment.  The three spots of  metastisized cancer that can be seen in my lungs are very small.  Two are 2 mm. and one is 6 mm. 

After confirming with Dr. Schott that it makes no difference whether we treat now or later, I/we decided to enjoy the summer with the kids.  I’ve been sick for the last three summers.  So if given a choice, I choose feeling as good as I possibly can and enjoying the time I have with my kids and husband. 

My next scans are scheduled for mid September.  Such is living life in three month increments…

Thank you for your prayers, cards, emails and kind words of support.  Living with cancer is not easy.  Having your faith tested over and over again is hard.  Knowing others are holding us up if and when we can’t, is awesome. 

Thanks and love you all.

P.S.  Thanks to our small group for stopping by last week.  🙂 

See Jesus

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My grandma has been wanting to go see Jesus for a while.  On Saturday, at the age of 92, she got her wish.  She fell at the nursing home, fractured her hip and hit her head.  Fifteen hours later she was home with Jesus.  She went peacefully.  What a blessing.

We had the visitation last night and the is funeral today.  She was an awesome, tough as nails, yet tenderhearted woman.  She made quilts, pies and balkenbrij.  Balkenbrij is a Dutch dish and you don’t want to know what’s in it.  Okay I’ll tell you.  Pigs head.  That’s right.  You take a pigs head, boil it and pull the meat off, smoosh it up with other stuff and make a loaf out of it.  Cut it into slices and fry it.  Eeeeewwwww.  My dad loves it.  She always had lemon drops and peppermints on her counter.  She will be missed, but I smile because she’s with Jesus – right where she wanted to be.

I was able to see most of my aunts and uncles last night who I haven’t seen since my latest cancer findings.  They were so encouraging and really lifted my spirits.  I was talking to my Uncle Gary about how this is the third time cancer has been found and it gets so hard.  Hard to understand why this keeps happening to me.  Hard to think about what treatment to do.  Hard to think about the road ahead.

My Uncle Gary and Aunt Shirley go to Forest Grove CRC.  Recently they had a guest pastor who had a very inspiring message.  He said if you could ask the people in heaven one question, what would it be?  He said “Was it worth it?”  Abraham – Was it worth leaving everything and going to the desert all those years?  Moses – Was it worth it?  Job – Was it worth it?  Paul – Was it worth it?  Amazing, thought provoking question for me.  It’s still running through my mind.  Was it worth it.  All this cancer in me and the hell it keeps putting my family through is for a reason.  Don’t know what the reason is, but I was chosen to bear this cross and I will.  Someday we’ll stand at the pearly gates and be asked “was it worth it”?  Now that’s perspective.  Thanks Uncle Gary.

Please pray for guidance for Dusty and I as we meet with Dr. Schott on Friday to discuss treatment courses.

Good News and Bad News

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I hate it when people say that, don’t you?  What do you want first?  I usually ask for the bad news first.  So I’ll starts there.

First, thank you to everyone who has prayed for me and my family with this past trip to U of M.  Last weekend (Friday and Saturday) I went to U of M to have my usual tests done.  Today Jill and I went to get the results.  We met with Dr. Schott and while my brain  and bones looks good, my lungs don’t.  I have three tiny spots on my lungs.  They are from my original breast cancer.  This is an aggressive cancer that has metastised not only in my brain, but is now building a home in my lungs.  Stupid cancer. 

When Dr. Schott delivered the news, I sat in shock.  I don’t know if it was my eyes or Jill’s eyes that welled up first, but as soon as Dr. Schott offered the tissues we were done for.  I sat there fighting tears and the need to cry.  Telling myself “pull yourself together” and “you need to listen to what she’s saying”.  So jamming my jaw shut and focusing on a medical instrument across the room I retrained myself as best as possible.  Finally someone asked, “what are you thinking?”  All I could say was “Oh Sh*t”.  Sorry mom and dad.  But that’s all I was thinking.  Oh  ….  the cancer is building a new home.  Oh  ….  the cancer is trying to steal more time away from my husband and kids.  Oh …. the cancer is burdening my family AGAIN.  Oh  …. just when I was starting to feel better.  So yes,  I’m sorry if I offend you, but oh sh*t is all I could say.  To follow that up, how dare it return?!  How dare it after all it’s done to my family and friends return to a new spot and take up residence.  Stupid cancer. 

As I said with brain cancer, I’m gonna go down swinging.   Now we’re faced with another decision to make.  How to treat these little spots.  I have three options.  1.  A chemo pill.  2.  Wait and see if the spots grow.  3.  A clinical trial.  We have a week to decide.  We’ll be praying hard. 

The good news is that we’re moving into our new house tomorrow!  We are excited for that change.  I’ll miss our Paw Paw drive house and all our neighbors.  Everyone has been so good to us. 

Please pray for us as we make a treatment decision. 

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