My life has been hijacked.  A week ago Monday I was hanging out in Chicago meeting with my plastic reconstruction surgeon and finalizing the last steps before being rebuilt.  Then we went on to Shedd Aquarium and had a blast with the kids. 

Next thing I know, I’ve been derailed on an out of control track.  I went to Holland’s ER room for what I thought was a silly headache.  Got a CT scan, was told I have two tumors, was drugged and transferred by Ambulance to Spectrum where I was told the two tumors are actuallly six and I have maybe a year to live.  How did my life go from slowly going back on course to a “new normal” with a body that at least looked “normal” (boobs) to a complete turnaround where death is knocking at my door?!  This isn’t supposed to happen to people right?  Not at 33.  Not when they have three little kids who need a mom. 

My friend Holly sent me some very powerful words lately  I’m so thankful I got them.  I hope she doesn’t mind me sharing them with you:

Just some thoughts for you and some scripture:—  I want to encourage you in your thoughts and words because the bible says that ‘Death and life are in the power of the tongue; and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.’ Proverbs 18:21I always feel that this means it is very important the way we speak…..if God says in his word that death and life are in the power of the tongue then I choose to speak words of life.  I choose to speak life into this situation where doctors are speaking death.  I claim (by Christ’s healing power) that you WILL live, you WILL see your kids grow old, you WILL be healed.  What do we have to lose by speaking life into this situation?  Our tongues are powerful….speak life with it. 

Thank you Holly.  I will begin speaking life today.  All of you need to speak life with me today too.Thank you to Gregg and Monica for taking Brooklyn to the beach yesterday.  She had a great time and slept like a baby when she got home. 

Thank you for all the wonderful visits the past few days. All of the tests and meetings have caught up with me and made me very tired. Looking forward to an afternoon nap today, so we will not being seeing visitors for a few hours. God Bless.

A lot has happened since I first met Heather, but I promised to tell you the story of how I met her and here it goes.

I was getting groceries at Meijer.  I went through the baby section to buy diapers and essentials.  Typically when I leave that section I go into the main aisle and continue to the pop, butter and yogurt section and weave my way to the front of the store.  This time, however, I didn’t go to the main aisle.  Instead I turned my cart around and found myself in the housewares department by all the kitchen gadgets (spatulas, measuring cups, etc).  When I realized where I was I bolted down the nearest aisle to move along with my groceries (time is of the essence).  The aisle I was cutting through was the cake decorating aisle and muffin cups caught my eye.   Plain white muffin cups.  I wasn’t planning on making cupcakes or muffins or had ever wondered where plain white muffin cups might be, but there I was staring at them nonetheless. 

I shook my head and moved on to getting groceries.  A few aisles into it I was looking for the semi sweet chocolate chips and I saw a woman bent down looking at something on the bottom shelf.  I heard a younger voice behind me say “no those aren’t the ones I was thinking of.  I know I got muffin cups somewhere here before, but I don’t remember where”.  So I turned to tell her how I just saw plain white muffin cups in the cake decorating aisle, which at this point, was right across from where we were standing.  As I turned to face her I noticed she was wearing a scarf on her head.  I don’t remember my exact words, because they just started falling out of my mouth, but I said something to the effect of “how are you doing”.  She looked at me like I was on another planet.  I said “I see you’re wearing a scarf.  I assume you have cancer?  Is it breast cancer?”  She confirmed it was and continued to stare at me like I was crazy.  She let her guard down as soon as I told her I had breast cancer and beat it last November.  We started talking, her mom started tearing up.  It turns out that we both have/had the same rare type of breast cancer – triple negative.  She had some questions and I answered them to the best of my ability.  I remember getting groceries during chemo and how it was a battle to do it so I told her I would let her get going, but that I wanted to encourage her and to let her know that she can do this and she looked good (despite how she felt).  

I walked away and as I continued getting my groceries I knew that moment could only have come from God.  There is no way I would have just started talking to someone I’ve never met with a scarf on her head.  Someone told me to reach out to her that day and I did.  I’m glad I did too, because by the power of Facebook it turns out she knows someone I know and now she and I are in a small little support group we started (I missed our first meeting because of my pesky brain tumors). I can’t wait to get to know her and the other girls in our little group a little better. 

There are no coincidences in life.  Especially with muffin cups.

Do you ever have anything that consumes your thoughts?  Something you can’t shake from your mind?  I wish I had something profound, deep, spiritual or thought provoking that consumes my thoughts, but I’m sorry to say it’s my upcoming surgery.  It’s always on my mind.  I’m anxious.  Nervous.  Excited.  I can say one thing – I’ll be happy when my boobs are attached to my body again.  Do you know how many times I’ve left the house and realized I forgot my boobs?  That is something I never thought I would have to think about. 

I try to think of every possible scenario and find a solution to it.  What if Dr. Song finds he can’t do the DIEP procedure because of my crash c-section?  How long will the surgery take?  What’s recovery going to be like?  Since I can’t lift for six weeks, what about my kids?  Will I be able to walk Brooklyn to her first day of school?  Will I be able to do laundry?  Will I be able to get groceries?  If I can’t stand straight up, how will I sleep?  How will I take a shower? 

Here are my solutions:  Dr. Song won’t know until he opens me up whether I have damage from the crash c-section.  There is a 90% chance that he will be able to do the procedure despite my medical history.  The surgery takes roughly eight hours.  I’ll spend about three days in the ICU.  Recovery is about six weeks.  I won’t be able to stand up straight or lay flat for two weeks.  I can’t lift for six.  I have childcare lined up for Max and Samantha – thank you mom, Jill and Kathy!  I am making freezer meals so my family can eat.  Since I missed Brooklyn’s first day of kindergarten last year, I will be there on her first day of school this year even if I have to crawl.  The laundry and groceries will get done and I’ll sleep in a recliner.  I still can’t stop my need for controlling things!

Information on Dr. Song

Information on the DIEP procedure

I am going to Chicago on Monday to meet with Dr. Song for my pre-op appointment and to meet with Anesthesia Department.  I’m making the most of it by taking Brooklyn, Jill and Avery along.  We’re going to the Shedd Aquarium when I’m done.  Fun!

I would like to think that cancer doesn’t exist now that I’ve beat it.  It’s still out there and still attacking young women/moms!  I’ve met a new friend at the end of my cancer last year who was just diagnosed at the time (hi Amy!).  I’ve been in contact with Lynette Bell who I know many of you are friends with or have heard of.  I met another young mom in Meijer a few weeks ago (hi Heather) who is going through the same treatment as I went through last summer.  How I met Heather is amazing and only something God could do.  Since this post is quite long I will blog about that meeting another time.  So now I follow their blogs and pray for them the same way people prayed for me.

Pucker up!

The Good

Things have been going well with my health lately.  My energy is back to normal and I feel like a regular mom with three little kids.  My range of motion on my right side has improved and with continued physical therapy I hope it gets back to the way it was.  I am anxiously anticipating surgery on August 24 at the University of Chicago.  Foobs here I come!

Another good thing is that Samantha was seen by Early On last week Thursday and they are done following her!  Diane from Early On has been following her since she was born to make sure she meets/exceeds her milestones and to watch for signs from her birth trauma – developmental delays, cerebral palsy, etc.  She has been on point this entire time and continues to be our little miracle. 

Brooklyn just completed Kindergarten and is looking forward to summer despite missing all her kindergarten friends. 

The Bad

Dusty’s mom has been at Hospice House for over a week now.  She is dying.  It’s an awful process to watch someone go through.  She is so weak and weighs only 70 pounds.  Please pray for her, Dale (Dusty’s dad) and the family.  Pray that she’ll have peace and be comfortable. 

The Ugly

Ugly…I don’t know what’s ugly, but I felt like it goes with the good and the bad so I had to include it.  If I had to pick something ugly I would say my hair.  It confuses me.  It challenges me.  It makes me laugh.  I don’t know what to do with it.  It’s super curly and thick.  It’s high maintenance.  I haven’t had a hair cut in over a year and I can start to see the beginning signs of a mullet forming so I think a little trim in the back might help (I’m coming Jenny!). 

It was a year ago on June 3 that I had my first chemo treatment.  I don’t ever want to experience a summer like the summer of 2009 again.  I’ll never be the same because of it – physically, emotionally and mentally.  As I like to say – it is what it is.  I’m glad it’s over and I’m looking forward to this summer. 

I’ll see you around…