31. July 2010 by Lindy.

I can’t sleep.  I couldn’t sleep all night.  We had great groups of people visit us last night.  We had a marathon day of tests and meetings with doctors that I thought we would fall right into bed and zonk out for the rest of the night.  The last person of the night to stop in was Dr. Vander Woude (oncologist).  She was the doctor we were waiting to hear from for my prognosis.  She stepped around the questioning at first.  I said “do I have three days”?  She said “oh yes, you have three days.”  Then I said “is it months or a year?”  she said “probably a year”.  There it is.  There it was.  It was put out there.  Like a sucker punch in the gut that knocks all the wind out of you.  I have about a year to live.  I never thought I would say those words.  The radiation and any other procedures they do are to buy time.   

Just as we were going to bed, Dr. Hoberman called our room phone.  She spoke with Dr. Song (reconstructive plastic surgeon in Chicago) who happened to be on vacation, but was very happy to talk to her about me.  Dr. Hoberman is going to place some calls today to see what she can find out about alternative treatment at a bigger hospital or the Mayo Clinic.  Dr. VanderWoude is coming back in today (I’ts her weekend to work) and we are going to talk more about getting me to Mayo Clinic on Monday.  Does anyone have a private pilot’s license and feel like taking a trip to Mayo? 

Dusty and I are devastated.  We are beside ourselves upset with this news and don’t know how to process it.  I believe in the prayers that are being said.  We feel a peace at times that we know only could come from God. 

Please pray that we are led in the right direction for treatment.

Please pray that as Dusty and I look to the year ahead we will have two different outcomes so pray for him as he is the one left behind to be with our kids.  To raise them. Love them. Clothes them. Feed them.  Be a mom to them.

It breaks our hearts.

We need your help so if you know of alternative places such as mayo or chicago that do extensive/miraculous work with multiple brain tumors we would appreciate the information.

God Bless

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30. July 2010 by Lindy.

We are settled into our room at Spectrum (Butterworth) Hospital.  I had a CT scan of my abdomin and pelvis last night around 10 p.m.  I don’t have the results of that.  They did a brain MRI at 12:30 a.m. and we got the results of those today.  It turns out I have six tumors.  Three are quite large and are the ones causing the headpain and nausea.  Two are “normal” size and one is very small.  The PA from the neurosurgeon’s office said since I had so many of them that surgery isn’t an option in their opinion.  She said they would just grow somewhere else in the brain or grow in the same spot. 

The PA from Dr. VanderWoude’s office came about an hour ago and said it’s Stage IV cancer and the prognosis isn’t good. 

We still have to meet with the Radiation Oncology Team. 

My bone scan is scheduled at 3 p.m. 

I’m terrified.  I cannot bear the thought of leaving my kids without a mom.  I know I shouldn’t go there yet because we don’t know the exact prognosis, but that’s where my mind goes.  They’re too little.  I have to raise them.  I’m their mom.  I want to be there for them.  This is a horrible thing to have to process.

Please pray for:

Results of my bone scan to be cancer free.

Peace and God’s prescence, love and comfort in our lives.  I want to hear his voice.

Our kids.  Brooklyn is only six, Max and Samantha are 1 1/2 years old.  Even if the prognosis were good, this still isn’t fair to them to have their mom away from them. 

Our parents.  They are our rock for our family.  Please pray for strength, peace, endurance and energy to keep up with our kids (my parents are taking care of them right now).

My friends.  I have great friends and Jill has been with me every step of the way.  She’s even here right now. 

Pray that we will not grow weary.  I HAVE to beat this.  It’s not a choice.  God is the great physician and can work miracles. PRAY FOR A MIRACLE!

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30. July 2010 by Lindy.

The headache and nausea didn’t go away so I called Dr. Hoberman’s office this morning. She consulted with Dr. VanderWoude and together they decided to send me to Holland Hospital. After they did a head CT, they found two brain tumors. At least now we know what’s causing the headaches. They admitted me to Spectrum and that is where I’m sitting now. I have a night full of tests ahead of me-MRI, CAT scan and bone scan.

Please pray we caught the tumors early and that the cancer hasn’t spread. Pray for Dusty, the kids and my parents. Pray that I can beat this cancer too.

We will update again after the tests are done and we meet with the neurosurgeon.

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20. July 2010 by Lindy.

Do you ever have anything that consumes your thoughts?  Something you can’t shake from your mind?  I wish I had something profound, deep, spiritual or thought provoking that consumes my thoughts, but I’m sorry to say it’s my upcoming surgery.  It’s always on my mind.  I’m anxious.  Nervous.  Excited.  I can say one thing - I’ll be happy when my boobs are attached to my body again.  Do you know how many times I’ve left the house and realized I forgot my boobs?  That is something I never thought I would have to think about. 

I try to think of every possible scenario and find a solution to it.  What if Dr. Song finds he can’t do the DIEP procedure because of my crash c-section?  How long will the surgery take?  What’s recovery going to be like?  Since I can’t lift for six weeks, what about my kids?  Will I be able to walk Brooklyn to her first day of school?  Will I be able to do laundry?  Will I be able to get groceries?  If I can’t stand straight up, how will I sleep?  How will I take a shower? 

Here are my solutions:  Dr. Song won’t know until he opens me up whether I have damage from the crash c-section.  There is a 90% chance that he will be able to do the procedure despite my medical history.  The surgery takes roughly eight hours.  I’ll spend about three days in the ICU.  Recovery is about six weeks.  I won’t be able to stand up straight or lay flat for two weeks.  I can’t lift for six.  I have childcare lined up for Max and Samantha - thank you mom, Jill and Kathy!  I am making freezer meals so my family can eat.  Since I missed Brooklyn’s first day of kindergarten last year, I will be there on her first day of school this year even if I have to crawl.  The laundry and groceries will get done and I’ll sleep in a recliner.  I still can’t stop my need for controlling things!

Information on Dr. Song

Information on the DIEP procedure

I am going to Chicago on Monday to meet with Dr. Song for my pre-op appointment and to meet with Anesthesia Department.  I’m making the most of it by taking Brooklyn, Jill and Avery along.  We’re going to the Shedd Aquarium when I’m done.  Fun!

I would like to think that cancer doesn’t exist now that I’ve beat it.  It’s still out there and still attacking young women/moms!  I’ve met a new friend at the end of my cancer last year who was just diagnosed at the time (hi Amy!).  I’ve been in contact with Lynette Bell who I know many of you are friends with or have heard of.  I met another young mom in Meijer a few weeks ago (hi Heather) who is going through the same treatment as I went through last summer.  How I met Heather is amazing and only something God could do.  Since this post is quite long I will blog about that meeting another time.  So now I follow their blogs and pray for them the same way people prayed for me.

Pucker up!

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27. June 2010 by Dustin Ver Beek.

I said “see you later” to my Mom this week on Father’s Day.  She passed away after a ravaging battle with Parkinson’s disease.  She was only 69.   

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7. June 2010 by Dustin Ver Beek.

The Good

Things have been going well with my health lately.  My energy is back to normal and I feel like a regular mom with three little kids.  My range of motion on my right side has improved and with continued physical therapy I hope it gets back to the way it was.  I am anxiously anticipating surgery on August 24 at the University of Chicago.  Foobs here I come!

Another good thing is that Samantha was seen by Early On last week Thursday and they are done following her!  Diane from Early On has been following her since she was born to make sure she meets/exceeds her milestones and to watch for signs from her birth trauma - developmental delays, cerebral palsy, etc.  She has been on point this entire time and continues to be our little miracle. 

Brooklyn just completed Kindergarten and is looking forward to summer despite missing all her kindergarten friends. 

The Bad

Dusty’s mom has been at Hospice House for over a week now.  She is dying.  It’s an awful process to watch someone go through.  She is so weak and weighs only 70 pounds.  Please pray for her, Dale (Dusty’s dad) and the family.  Pray that she’ll have peace and be comfortable. 

The Ugly

Ugly…I don’t know what’s ugly, but I felt like it goes with the good and the bad so I had to include it.  If I had to pick something ugly I would say my hair.  It confuses me.  It challenges me.  It makes me laugh.  I don’t know what to do with it.  It’s super curly and thick.  It’s high maintenance.  I haven’t had a hair cut in over a year and I can start to see the beginning signs of a mullet forming so I think a little trim in the back might help (I’m coming Jenny!). 

It was a year ago on June 3 that I had my first chemo treatment.  I don’t ever want to experience a summer like the summer of 2009 again.  I’ll never be the same because of it - physically, emotionally and mentally.  As I like to say - it is what it is.  I’m glad it’s over and I’m looking forward to this summer. 

I’ll see you around…

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31. May 2010 by Dustin Ver Beek.

We took a short vacation up to the Michigan Upper Peninsula two weeks ago.  It was the first time we were actually able to get away in two years.  Brooklyn went with us, so it was nice to have some one-on-one time with her.  She’s gone through a lot the last few years.  She’s becoming such a little lady. 

We are anticipating the first reconstructive surgery at the University of Chicago Hospital, scheduled for the end of August.  This Memorial Day weekend marks the one year anniversary of the cancer diagnosis-it’s hard to believe it’s only been a year.  In many ways it feels like it’s been five.

Tahquamenon Falls State Park

Making a Wish in St. Ignace (Straits State Park)

Mackinac Island

Hanging out at the Cabin

Taking a walk with Dad

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15. April 2010 by Lindy.

Spring is here.  In more ways than one.  Those of you who’ve experienced a “winter” in your lives know what I mean when I say SPRING IS HERE! 

I’ll get the health stuff out of the way first: 

I had my blood rechecked on Monday and everything looks good!  Praise God.  My hemoglobin was 12-point-something and my electrolytes are normal.  That is a huge relief yet a little frustrating because I’m still pretty tired.  My energy level is not where I want it to be.  I liked it when I could blame my lack of energy on my anemia.  Hopefully I’ll be back to normal soon because I envision a lot of walks, bike rides and fun activities with the kids this summer. 

I’m returning to physical therapy tomorrow because I’m losing a little mobility on my right side.  It’s painful to lift my right arm all the way up.  As a matter of fact, I can get it to a certain point and it won’t go any higher.  Very strange feeling, but I think with the proper therapy I’ll be back to normal again.

Even though I promised myself I wouldn’t think about reconstruction and enjoy the summer, my mind has been drifting towards August when I have the reconstructive surgery scheduled (August 10) at the University of Chicago with Dr. Song.  I’m second guessing my decision (the procedure, the surgeon, the facility, etc).  I guess that’s normal, because it’s a big deal, but I just want what is best for me and my family.   

Max and Samantha are now 18 months old and they keep me running.  They are everywhere and into everything.  It’s been fun to watch their personalities develop.  Max is a chill little dude and Samantha is very strong willed and knows what she wants when she wants it.  They crack us up with the faces they pull, little smiles and ways of talking. 

Brooklyn is nearing the end of her kindergarten year.  She recently learned how to ride a two-wheeler and we bought her a new bike.  She’s so excited for “sprinkler weather”. 

Dusty is doing great.  He has a new assignment at work that is keeping him on his toes, but he seems to be enjoying it. 

For your viewing pleasure: 

Dusty, Samantha and Brooklyn going to Frederick Meijer Gardens

Max enjoying the first nice day of the year:

Samantha loves climbing and is always on the move

Brooklyn and her friend Avery playing in the creek behind our house

Samantha and Max inspecting the lion

Brooke and Avery at the GR Museum

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25. February 2010 by Lindy.

It feels strange to write something on my cancer blog.  I promised I would update when I had something to say. 

I had a blood draw last week and saw Dr. VanderWoude (oncologist) on Tuesday of this week.  Overall, things look good (praise God).  My hemoglobin is still low at a 10, but it’s better than where I was a month ago which was 9.  Normal is 12-16.  My white blood cell count is low, but not low enough to concern the doctor.  This means that I’m tired (hemoglobin) and that I’m more susceptible to illness (white blood cells) so I need to take extra precautions with washing my hands and staying away from  people with illnesses. 

My every day life is going good, all things considered.  My mom helps me tremendously with Max, Samantha and Brooklyn because I get tired so quickly.   Other than that, things are good.

This past summer when I was going through chemo I would sit in my anti-gravity chair on the front porch.  It was the most comfortable and the fresh air helped.  I was dead tired, sick and fighting like a champion to beat the cancer.  I would see people walk, run, rollerblade or bike past the house and I couldn’t wait to do that again.  I dreamt of the day when I could take my kids for a long walk to the park.  Then while going through radiation I read an article in the Holland Sentinel about climbing the steps of Mt. Pisgah in Holland.  That was my new goal.  As soon as I had enough energy I was going to climb the 239 (I think) steps to the top.  A few weeks ago Brooklyn and I did it.  It was so fun.  I climbed a mountain.  I don’t know if it’s technically a mountain, but it’s called Mt. Pisgah so I’m going with it. 

Here is me and Brooklyn at the top:

Prepare to have your mind blown.  As you know Dusty is the computer/techy guy in our family.  He set up this blog for me and occasionally checks the stats of the blog.  This past summer when I was going through chemo and blogging about my pathetic journey, I had a total of 16,000 unique hits.  That’s a one, six and three zeros people!  I don’t know 16,000 people.  I’m not sharing this with you to massage my ego.  The thought that quickly occured to me was all the comments that I received from you were probably read as well.  Your comments were encouraging and many of them talked about God, quoted scripture or verses of songs.  Just imagine the amount of people you may have reached by your comments.  Amazing.

That’s all for now.  It’s been great seeing so many of you again.  Thank you for your prayers.  Please pray that I will continue to get my energy back and that my blood levels return to normal. 

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18. February 2010 by Dustin Ver Beek.

We are continuing to adjust to the new “normal” around the house.   Since Lindy’s treatments are complete until summer, we’re able to focus more time on family and giving back in any way we can.   We’re enjoying each other and every day we can spend as a ‘normal’ family. 

I was approached a few months back to join the Board of Directors for Compassionate Heart Ministry in Zeeland.   For those that don’t know about Compassionate Heart, it’s a special place where teens and young adults with disabilities can go to socialize, hang out and just enjoy each other in a loving, Christian environment.  Located in City on A Hill, Compassionate Heart serves a part of society that many treat as outcasts.  Cool things happen there. 
Watch the video to learn more. 

Here’s where I appeal for your help.  Lindy and I have seen your awesome generosity and spirit—we’d love to have you rally behind this cause.   On April 20, 2010, Compassionate Heart will hold its only fundraising event “Friends of the Heart” at Faith Reformed Church in Zeeland.  Come, we’ll eat a great dinner together, meet some of the kids/parents, and listen to Chris Klein—someone with a personal story that won’t leave a dry eye in the house.    Your tax deductible donation for the dinner will go 100% towards Compassionate Heart. 

If you can’t make the dinner but want to help in another way, use the form as well.  We’ll get in touch with you.  Thank you so much for making a difference to our youth at Compassionate Heart.

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