We spent the last two days in Ann Arbor at U of M.  Monday was my scan day.  Tuesday we saw Dr. Schott. We were anxious to see how the cancer reacted to the Clinical Trial/Chemo I was on for the last nine weeks.  The results were disappointing.

The spots in my lungs shrunk slightly and the spot in my brain didn’t shrink at all.  With those findings and the side effects I was having from the chemo, Dr. Schott, Dusty and I decided to stop the clinical trial.  She said to take the holidays and January off from treatment.  Two months of freedom!  I will have scans again at the end of January and we will decide then what chemo to do next.

I am so thankful to spend the holidays out of a chemo haze and feeling better than what I did the past nine weeks.  

We’re going to try and squeeze in a family trip too.  It makes sense to do that now while I’m not on chemo and feeling as good as possible.

Thank you for your prayers, cards and continued support.  We love all of you and couldn’t do it without you.   

A few months ago when I found out I had more cancer, I had an epiphany.  For two and a half years we’ve been praying that God will take my cancer away.  I’ve been prayed over.  Prayed on.  Hands have been put on me in prayer.  Prayed beside of.  Annointed.  We’ve begged God to heal me.  People I don’t know and have never met pray for me.  Beautiful little children pray for me.  Congregations pray for me.  People in other cities, states and countries are praying for me.  All of these people have said a prayer on my behalf! 

I know God hears these prayers.  Yet He is choosing not to answer them.  That hurts.  It’s confusing.  It’s personal.  I know He loves me and He can heal me, but He won’t. He’s choosing to let the cancer win. 

I was tired of begging for healing.  So I took a new approach.  Complete submission.  His will is perfect.  If His will is for me to have cancer, so be it.  I don’t understand it.  I don’t think I have to.  What I do understand is that He loves me.  He loves my family.  He will take care of my family.  His will is perfect.   So that is where I rest.  I’ve had so much peace since that epiphany.  No more wrestling with Him.  Simply submitting to His will.  He is in control.  

Yesterday I met with my doctor at U of M before chemo.  It was a wake up call.  Apparently I was living in an alternate universe where I thought I could still beat cancer.  I thought with the right concoction of drugs we could kill every last cancer cell and I would get my life back.  That is not the case.  There is nothing, short of a miracle, that will get rid of my cancer.  My disease is too progressed.  They’re giving me chemo to give me a longer life.  The Clinical Trial I’m on will not cure my cancer.  Nothing will.  We’re biding time.  They want to keep me alive and comfortable.   

I was told I am going to die from metastatic breast cancer.  That I should do things that I’ve wanted to do.  I’m only going to get worse.  That I should talk to my kids if I haven’t already.  No time limit was given.  All of that was hard to hear, especially before getting poisoned.   

It’s so unfair to Dusty and my kids.  That’s the worst part of all.  They have to suffer because of this disease. Thank you for your prayers. 

Please don’t stop praying.  Please be bold and ask for a miracle.  Please pray for my family and friends.  Prayer Requests:

• My Family

• Peace

• A Miracle

• A Cure