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Ver Beek Blog

Our young family battling stage IV breast cancer one day at a time
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Not good…

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We are settled into our room at Spectrum (Butterworth) Hospital.  I had a CT scan of my abdomin and pelvis last night around 10 p.m.  I don’t have the results of that.  They did a brain MRI at 12:30 a.m. and we got the results of those today.  It turns out I have six tumors.  Three are quite large and are the ones causing the headpain and nausea.  Two are “normal” size and one is very small.  The PA from the neurosurgeon’s office said since I had so many of them that surgery isn’t an option in their opinion.  She said they would just grow somewhere else in the brain or grow in the same spot. 

The PA from Dr. VanderWoude’s office came about an hour ago and said it’s Stage IV cancer and the prognosis isn’t good. 

We still have to meet with the Radiation Oncology Team. 

My bone scan is scheduled at 3 p.m. 

I’m terrified.  I cannot bear the thought of leaving my kids without a mom.  I know I shouldn’t go there yet because we don’t know the exact prognosis, but that’s where my mind goes.  They’re too little.  I have to raise them.  I’m their mom.  I want to be there for them.  This is a horrible thing to have to process.

Please pray for:

Results of my bone scan to be cancer free.

Peace and God’s prescence, love and comfort in our lives.  I want to hear his voice.

Our kids.  Brooklyn is only six, Max and Samantha are 1 1/2 years old.  Even if the prognosis were good, this still isn’t fair to them to have their mom away from them. 

Our parents.  They are our rock for our family.  Please pray for strength, peace, endurance and energy to keep up with our kids (my parents are taking care of them right now).

My friends.  I have great friends and Jill has been with me every step of the way.  She’s even here right now. 

Pray that we will not grow weary.  I HAVE to beat this.  It’s not a choice.  God is the great physician and can work miracles. PRAY FOR A MIRACLE!

It’s back

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The headache and nausea didn’t go away so I called Dr. Hoberman’s office this morning. She consulted with Dr. VanderWoude and together they decided to send me to Holland Hospital. After they did a head CT, they found two brain tumors. At least now we know what’s causing the headaches. They admitted me to Spectrum and that is where I’m sitting now. I have a night full of tests ahead of me-MRI, CAT scan and bone scan.

Please pray we caught the tumors early and that the cancer hasn’t spread. Pray for Dusty, the kids and my parents. Pray that I can beat this cancer too.

We will update again after the tests are done and we meet with the neurosurgeon.

Impatiently waiting

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Do you ever have anything that consumes your thoughts?  Something you can’t shake from your mind?  I wish I had something profound, deep, spiritual or thought provoking that consumes my thoughts, but I’m sorry to say it’s my upcoming surgery.  It’s always on my mind.  I’m anxious.  Nervous.  Excited.  I can say one thing – I’ll be happy when my boobs are attached to my body again.  Do you know how many times I’ve left the house and realized I forgot my boobs?  That is something I never thought I would have to think about. 

I try to think of every possible scenario and find a solution to it.  What if Dr. Song finds he can’t do the DIEP procedure because of my crash c-section?  How long will the surgery take?  What’s recovery going to be like?  Since I can’t lift for six weeks, what about my kids?  Will I be able to walk Brooklyn to her first day of school?  Will I be able to do laundry?  Will I be able to get groceries?  If I can’t stand straight up, how will I sleep?  How will I take a shower? 

Here are my solutions:  Dr. Song won’t know until he opens me up whether I have damage from the crash c-section.  There is a 90% chance that he will be able to do the procedure despite my medical history.  The surgery takes roughly eight hours.  I’ll spend about three days in the ICU.  Recovery is about six weeks.  I won’t be able to stand up straight or lay flat for two weeks.  I can’t lift for six.  I have childcare lined up for Max and Samantha – thank you mom, Jill and Kathy!  I am making freezer meals so my family can eat.  Since I missed Brooklyn’s first day of kindergarten last year, I will be there on her first day of school this year even if I have to crawl.  The laundry and groceries will get done and I’ll sleep in a recliner.  I still can’t stop my need for controlling things!

Information on Dr. Song

Information on the DIEP procedure

I am going to Chicago on Monday to meet with Dr. Song for my pre-op appointment and to meet with Anesthesia Department.  I’m making the most of it by taking Brooklyn, Jill and Avery along.  We’re going to the Shedd Aquarium when I’m done.  Fun!

I would like to think that cancer doesn’t exist now that I’ve beat it.  It’s still out there and still attacking young women/moms!  I’ve met a new friend at the end of my cancer last year who was just diagnosed at the time (hi Amy!).  I’ve been in contact with Lynette Bell who I know many of you are friends with or have heard of.  I met another young mom in Meijer a few weeks ago (hi Heather) who is going through the same treatment as I went through last summer.  How I met Heather is amazing and only something God could do.  Since this post is quite long I will blog about that meeting another time.  So now I follow their blogs and pray for them the same way people prayed for me.

Pucker up!

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SPRING!

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Spring is here.  In more ways than one.  Those of you who’ve experienced a “winter” in your lives know what I mean when I say SPRING IS HERE! 

I’ll get the health stuff out of the way first: 

I had my blood rechecked on Monday and everything looks good!  Praise God.  My hemoglobin was 12-point-something and my electrolytes are normal.  That is a huge relief yet a little frustrating because I’m still pretty tired.  My energy level is not where I want it to be.  I liked it when I could blame my lack of energy on my anemia.  Hopefully I’ll be back to normal soon because I envision a lot of walks, bike rides and fun activities with the kids this summer. 

I’m returning to physical therapy tomorrow because I’m losing a little mobility on my right side.  It’s painful to lift my right arm all the way up.  As a matter of fact, I can get it to a certain point and it won’t go any higher.  Very strange feeling, but I think with the proper therapy I’ll be back to normal again.

Even though I promised myself I wouldn’t think about reconstruction and enjoy the summer, my mind has been drifting towards August when I have the reconstructive surgery scheduled (August 10) at the University of Chicago with Dr. Song.  I’m second guessing my decision (the procedure, the surgeon, the facility, etc).  I guess that’s normal, because it’s a big deal, but I just want what is best for me and my family.   

Max and Samantha are now 18 months old and they keep me running.  They are everywhere and into everything.  It’s been fun to watch their personalities develop.  Max is a chill little dude and Samantha is very strong willed and knows what she wants when she wants it.  They crack us up with the faces they pull, little smiles and ways of talking. 

Brooklyn is nearing the end of her kindergarten year.  She recently learned how to ride a two-wheeler and we bought her a new bike.  She’s so excited for “sprinkler weather”. 

Dusty is doing great.  He has a new assignment at work that is keeping him on his toes, but he seems to be enjoying it. 

For your viewing pleasure: 

Dusty, Samantha and Brooklyn going to Frederick Meijer Gardens

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Max enjoying the first nice day of the year:

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Samantha loves climbing and is always on the move

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Brooklyn and her friend Avery playing in the creek behind our house

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Samantha and Max inspecting the lion

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Brooke and Avery at the GR Museum

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Red, White and …

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It feels strange to write something on my cancer blog.  I promised I would update when I had something to say. 

I had a blood draw last week and saw Dr. VanderWoude (oncologist) on Tuesday of this week.  Overall, things look good (praise God).  My hemoglobin is still low at a 10, but it’s better than where I was a month ago which was 9.  Normal is 12-16.  My white blood cell count is low, but not low enough to concern the doctor.  This means that I’m tired (hemoglobin) and that I’m more susceptible to illness (white blood cells) so I need to take extra precautions with washing my hands and staying away from  people with illnesses. 

My every day life is going good, all things considered.  My mom helps me tremendously with Max, Samantha and Brooklyn because I get tired so quickly.   Other than that, things are good.

This past summer when I was going through chemo I would sit in my anti-gravity chair on the front porch.  It was the most comfortable and the fresh air helped.  I was dead tired, sick and fighting like a champion to beat the cancer.  I would see people walk, run, rollerblade or bike past the house and I couldn’t wait to do that again.  I dreamt of the day when I could take my kids for a long walk to the park.  Then while going through radiation I read an article in the Holland Sentinel about climbing the steps of Mt. Pisgah in Holland.  That was my new goal.  As soon as I had enough energy I was going to climb the 239 (I think) steps to the top.  A few weeks ago Brooklyn and I did it.  It was so fun.  I climbed a mountain.  I don’t know if it’s technically a mountain, but it’s called Mt. Pisgah so I’m going with it. 

Here is me and Brooklyn at the top:

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Prepare to have your mind blown.  As you know Dusty is the computer/techy guy in our family.  He set up this blog for me and occasionally checks the stats of the blog.  This past summer when I was going through chemo and blogging about my pathetic journey, I had a total of 16,000 unique hits.  That’s a one, six and three zeros people!  I don’t know 16,000 people.  I’m not sharing this with you to massage my ego.  The thought that quickly occured to me was all the comments that I received from you were probably read as well.  Your comments were encouraging and many of them talked about God, quoted scripture or verses of songs.  Just imagine the amount of people you may have reached by your comments.  Amazing.

That’s all for now.  It’s been great seeing so many of you again.  Thank you for your prayers.  Please pray that I will continue to get my energy back and that my blood levels return to normal. 

All Done!

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For the past seven weeks my life has been the same thing from 11:45 until 12:30. 

I would pack up the kids, bring them to my parent’s house and go to radiation.

This is LAROC (Lakeshore Area Radiation Oncology Center).  It’s the building where I get radiation done.  There are no bad smells in the building.  It’s not “clinical”.  It’s very zen.  There are water features and soothing music throughout the building.  Oh and carpet.  Not hard vinyl tile floor like a hospital. 

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Everyday I would walk in the sliding doors, proceed through the regular waiting room and go to the special waiting room.  I named it special because it’s where people like me wait to get radiated (or what Dusty likes to call radiant).  Then one of the radiation techs calls me back to a room that is built like a vault.  It has a thick steel door and the walls are 4-6′ thick. 

Here are the wonderful radiation techs who I see every day.  Marie, Karen, A GVSU Student and Linda.  Bob works there too, but he must have been at lunch.  My appointments are always over their lunch shift. 

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This is the table that I lay on to have radiation.  My arms go in the red stirrups and the triangular pillow goes under my knees.

Once I’m on the table, the techs get me situated perfectly so I don’t get accidentally radiated in other body parts.  When I’m right where they want me, I cannot move an inch.  They leave me alone in the room and go to their hub.  Their hub has four computer screens and a closed circuit television to watch me on.  Once they’re ready, the machine moves around me and I get radiated in five different areas.

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Then they send me on my merry way.  Although today they gave me a certificate and a coffee mug. 

Today was my last day of all cancer treatments!  No more chemo.  No more radiation.  Nothing.  I feel like I should run through one of those finish line tapes that you see at the end of a race.  If I see one today I’m going to run through it pumping my fists in the air.  It feels awesome to be done.  Absolutely wonderful.  I can’t put into words how thankful I am to be done with treatment and most of all to be cancer free!

From this point forward I have routine check ups with my oncologist every three months where they check my blood and make sure my numbers are good.  I’ll keep my blog updated when I get any news, but from now on, I won’t be writing much.  

So many of you held my hand through my treatments and I will be forever thankful for you.  I couldn’t have done it without the healing hand and grace of our great savior and God or without his wonderful people.  Thank you for walking with us on our journey.  God Bless.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.  You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” 

-Jeremiah 11

Almost Done!

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I can hardly believe I’m almost done with all cancer treatments!  Thank God!  I will have my last radiation treatment on Friday.  I am so happy, so relieved and so excited.  I should celebrate.  Hmmmm…what to do.

I saw Dr. Edlund today (radiation oncologist) and he said my skin reaction is appropriate and that I shouldn’t have any problems from here.  Since Tuesdays are the day I see the doctor, they gave me discharge instructions.  I couldn’t believe I was being discharged.  Another surreal feeling.  The good news is that the fatigue should last for only two weeks after my last radiation treatment.  I can’t wait to have full energy back.  Maybe I’ll run a marathon or something…

Dusty and I went to Chicago to meet with Dr. Song (reconstructive plastic surgeon) yesterday.  I was presented with three options here in Holland – implants, lat flap and TRAM flap.  Plastic surgeons don’t like the idea of doing just implants when skin has been radiated because the results won’t look good.  The other two options take my muscles and I wasn’t happy about that.  Dr. Song performs the DIEP flap which we thought was newer, but upon talking with his nurse they’ve been doing it for 16 years!  I felt like a hill billy asking about that new fangled operation where they use electronical gadgets to reconnect my blood vessels.  I’m glad we made the small trip because Dr. Song gave me more options than I thought possible.  All of which don’t include taking muscles.  His final recommendation is probably what I’ll go with, but there is one other option that I want to look into as well.  The surgery can’t happen for six more months.  I have time to think about it.

So that’s it in a nutshell.  I could write a small novel about my reconstructive options, but I’ll spare you. 

Have a great day! 

Six more!

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Thank you for the birthday well wishes, cards and emails.  I had a great birthday.  Brooklyn was more excited for my birthday than I was.  She called me “birthday girl” all day and before she left for school in the morning she said I could wear one of her crowns that night.  She had a hard time understanding why I wasn’t having a party.  It’s hard to explain to a 6-year-old that when you grow up you don’t always have your friends over and play games for your birthday.  We had cake though and that’s party enough for me. 

I have six more radiation treatments to go!  Yahoo!  My skin is now purplish/reddish and peeling.  It looks disgusting and hurts worse than last week, but I can endure it.  I only have 1 1/2 weeks left!

Dusty and I are going to Chicago next week to meet with Dr. Song.  He’s at the University of Chicago and he does the latest reconstruction procedure called DIEP.  I’m researching that this week and arming myself with an arsenal of questions for him. 

The kids are great.  Max and Samantha are walking everywhere.  They’re so cute when they walk around the room together.  They’re a little unsteady on their feet so when they walk together they look like a little old couple.  It’s the best. 

Let me tell you something you’ve all heard before:  Don’t take anything for granted.  Even the smallest things.  For instance, hugs from your loved ones or holding your little ones.  Through chemo (bone pain) and now radiation (skin pain) I’ve learned that even a simple hug is wonderful and shouldn’t be taken for granted.  Other things not to take for granted:

Eating, hair on your head, eyelashes, driving, reading, thought processing, memory, clapping, going for walks, running, riding a bike, playing with your kids, health, cooking and the list could go on and on… 

I don’t take any of it for granted.   

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.  James 1:2-3

Happy Birthday to me!

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Today is my 33rd birthday.  Yea!  I usually don’t care about my birthdays too much, but this birthday is a little sweeter than most.  I’m so happy that I’m doing as well as I am.  Thank you for your prayers.  God has heard them all and has blessed me with renewed health and strength.  Thank you! 

One of the good things that came from my cancer is that I’ve been in contact with so many people who I haven’t seen or spoken with in years!  It has been so fun to catch up with everyone. 

I’ve been rocking my new short hair do and have had many compliments (thank you).  I washed my wigs and put them in storage and  I gave my head scarves to another girl (Hi Amy) going through cancer.  It felt so good to get rid of those things. 

I think I’m down to ten more radiation treatments.  The end is definitely in sight.  I can’t wait to be finished with everything and give my skin time to heal. 

Have a great day everyone! 

God Bless

Over the Hump

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As Dr. Edlund said today, I’m over the hump.  I have 16 more treatments to go.  That’s not bad.  The skin that’s being treated looks tanned/burnt with little black dots all over it and it’s in a perfect square formation with a little blotch on my right shoulder.  It doesn’t hurt that bad, but the latest development is itching.  That’s normal though and not a big deal. I compare everything to chemo.  From a paper cut, to a cold, to radiation.  I compare it all to chemo and if it’s not as bad as that, then I can deal with it.  So the radiation side effects, compared to chemo, are a walk in the park. 

It’s strange to be able to visually see where I’m being radiated.  It really is a large area.  It reminds me how big the tumor was and how serious the cancer was.  I love saying “was”.  I don’t have cancer anymore!    🙂

I’m done with physical therapy.  I have exercises I need to do daily or I feel the muscle tightening up and I lose range of motion on my right side.  I’m glad to be done with that.  It’s one less appointment to go to. 

My hair is growing back and I’m just about ready to rock my short hair do.  I’ve been wearing my wigs yet because I’m not a short hair kind of girl, but I’m ready to have nothing on my head. 

The kids and Dusty are doing great.  Samantha is walking all over the place and Max is close on her heels, but he still reverts to crawling when he’s in a hurry.  Brooklyn is doing great and loves school.  Dusty is doing well and is having fun  updating websites that he created and maintains – Haven church and Compassionate Heart. 

I would also like to say I’m glad 2009 is gone.  Behind us.  In the past.  Never to return again.  Bring on 2010! 

Thank you for your prayers and support.  They mean so much to us.  It’s so good to be out and about again – back to church, hanging out with family and friends, running errands, etc. 

Notice: My hosting company 1&1 recently upgraded the back-end engine that powers this blog. In doing so, they deleted all the existing images on the site. They are not assisting me with replacing the images they deleted, so I will be adding the images back as time allows. Thank you for your understanding.