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The past couple days haven’t been better.  I’m awake more, but still nauseas.  I called the doctor this morning and they gave me a different med to use in combination with one of my current meds.  Hopefully that will help.  They said there are other options so if this doesn’t work, don’t get discouraged. 

I’m starting to freak out again.  My hair is going to fall out this weekend.  I dread my second chemo course next week because of the nausea.  I hate that I can’t play with and hold my kids the way I normally would because of my port.  I have to be careful that Max and Samantha don’t head-butt or punch the port with their little hands. 

It is so hard to turn this all over to God.  I am a control freak.  I’m considering shaving my hair off before the weekend because that’s the ONE thing I can control right now.  But then the dutch in me shines through and thinks “don’t do that.  You still have a little shampoo left in the bottle.  If you shave your hair early you will have wasted some shampoo.”  I can’t believe I just wrote that.  You know you can relate.  You can right? 

We didn’t make it to church yesterday, but we did, as I lovingly call it from my preggo days, couch church.  We tuned in via the webcast.  The morning and evening messages were excellent.  In the morning we had Pastor Dale Cooper and he spoke about asking the Holy Spirit to give us the strength to face our challenges.  Last night was Pastor Don Cousins and he spoke about when we pray to listen and not do all the talking.

I need to ask the Holy Spirit to help me turn over all my worries and cares about the future to Jesus.  To fill me with the strength I need to overcome cancer and chemo.  To fill Dusty, my mom and the other wonderful childcare providers the strength to get through the day with our three kids.     

We are so thankful for everyone who is helping or has helped out.  From childcare to fun for Brooke.  From meal organizers to meal makers, from lawn mowing to house cleaning.  So many of you have given to us in so many ways.  We will not forget it.  THANK YOU!

35 Responses to “Control”

  1. Holly says:

    Heavenly Father,
    You are so big. You are awesome. You made the grains of sand, You made the blades of grass, You made the tiniest flower in the field that no one waters but You, and you made every hair on our heads. Lord I am asking right now that you would shower Dusty and Lindy with Your peace. Give them a presence of You from within that can be felt on the outside. Give Lindy an overwhelming sense of You Lord…that YOU are in this situation….that You are at the doctor and at the hospital and at their home and sitting at her bedside as she sleeps. Lord bring healing. Lord bring calm to her stomach. Lord remove the soreness so she can enjoy her children. Lord, you tell us to ask…we are asking. Answer. Answer in a mighty way that even today, right now, she would feel YOU. Wash over her right now with Your mighty hand. Lord you wrote in Jeremiah 32:27 “I am the Lord the God of all flesh, is anything too hard for Me?” This is not too hard for you Lord…Help Lindy to rest in that….that this does not take you by suprise and that You have it under control. Help her to feel that today. We love you Lord and we are so glad you made Lindy…help her to feel all that love today. In Jesus name. Amen.

  2. Stacy Wiersma says:

    While reading this post I cried and laughed at the same time! The shampoo thing was too funny-you crazy girl!
    At some point you have to feel better, I know the days must feel so long but you can do this!!
    Max and Samantha arn’t going to remember how much you held them or if you had hair or not when they get older-stop beating yourself up over it!
    Praying for you to feel some comfort.

  3. Cara says:

    I’ve been praying so hard for you since hearing your news.
    As a mother, I hurt for you as you long to hold and play with your children.
    As a fellow Dutch control freak, I want you to know, I get it! (Don’t be embarrassed to write those things – there are lots of us closet Dutch control freaks out there. Only a few of us are willing to admit it!)
    As a friend in Christ, I stand behind you in daily prayer.
    God bless you today and I pray that with some Rx adjustments, next week will be better.
    Cara (Broersma) Larsen

  4. Lisa McConnell says:

    you don’t know me, but your story has reached me and i just want you to know that my family is praying for your comfort and healing. having something in common with you has really hit home. i too have a 5 year old and twins–they are 8 months. our god works in mysterious ways, and this is one of them. you can do this. i pray that you have additional strength as you endure each unknown situation. you are blessed and the lord will continue to bless you and your family.

    Lisa McConnell

  5. Bernie says:

    I don’t know you but my friend and sister in Christ, Susan asked me to pray for you. I am now pleading with God to give you the miracle He gave to another friend, Kristi. I know God loves to hear our intercessory prayers and Christ Himself intercedes for us at the Father’s side. You are a young mother and I believe God wants to heal you. My wife and I will pray for you daily, you have my word.

  6. Tonya Grotenhuis says:

    I think about your family all the time and pray for you constantly. I know God is the ultimate healer and you are in His care. I know Bernie and his wife from church and am so thankful your story is getting out. The power of prayer is such an amazing thing, (you’ve experianced that hands on several times)and I am so excited for the day you can share once again how it changed your life! Thanks for sharing and being so real. It helps us know exactly how to pray.

  7. Kelli says:

    Our amazing God is SO much bigger then this sickness, and I pray that you and your family find comfort in that. Even in the valleys of the day when you’re feeling nauseous, tired & even anger at the disease, remember that there are many of us “Dutchies” & more praying you back up the mountain to restored health & strength. Our God is an awesome God and He’s on this journey with you guys each step of the way.
    Thank you for sharing your heart thru this blog even when you feel yucky. As much as it’s helping you, it’s helping so many of us that know you, and want to help you fight this disease.
    Kelli (Steenwyk) Huisenga

  8. Kathy says:

    I’m praying that God will clear your mind, and give you a good nights sleep. (Dusty..this goes for you too.)

  9. Nicole Ryan says:

    Hi Lindy,
    You don’t know me and I really don’t know what to say but I am a longtime family friend of the Ellings.
    My family and friends across the United States are praying for you and your family. I sent your name to be put on a church prayer chain. I feel helpless to you but wish I lived close so I could help out. I too have 3 children and couldn’t imagine what you are going through.
    I was crying and laughing while reading your story…
    Please know there are thousands of people (family, friends and strangers, like me) lifting you up in prayer daily, I hope your new meds start working soon! I hope to send you LOTS of bottles of shampoo, once you smooth out this bump in the road of life! :0)
    Nicole Ryan

  10. Christa Meeuwsen says:

    I have just heard of your news today and feel the need to write to you. You are definitely on my heart and in my prayers. I admire your faith and strength that you easily reveal in your writings. You are amazing and you are right…God did work a miracle in your baby and can do the same in you.
    I would love to help you in any way possible. I will call the girl setting up your meals to see what I can do to help fill in. I know it is hard to accept help as a mother who typically provides the care. Know that the helpers are there because they want to be! You need to rest! You do a great job updating everyone on your blog. Thanks and we will pray!

  11. Kelli Tinholt says:

    Lindy – I think about you so often, and am praying that God will give you a couple hours of relief from the sickness so you can play with and enjoy your family. He is the Healer and I am pleading with Him on your behalf to perform miracles in your body and bring you to full health. Your strong faith through everything is amazing, and I have been so blessed by your testimony. By the way – I get the dutch thing. I put plastic silverware in the dishwasher tonight 🙂

  12. Aunt Shirley says:

    Hi Lindy, You make me laugh. That “Dutch” thing is so funny. The next chemo treatment may not be as difficult this time – you will be okay take one day at a time. It’s wonderful the meds they for that “Season of Pain”. Praying for you, Dusty the children and mom and dad. My mother -Grandma Potter – who is 93 and in great health is praying for you too. She asks about you every day. Talk to you tomorrow. Sleep well honey.

    This weeks song “Somebody Is Praying You Through” Love ya.

  13. Lynn Mulder says:

    Michael and I are praying for a peace that only our Father in Heaven can give. We are so excited to hear about your miracle that is going to happen!
    Michael and Lynn Mulder

  14. Jana Ver Beek says:

    I’m praying the anti-nausea drugs help soon, so you can a have a few goods days before the next chemo treatment.
    “On Christ the Solid Rock I Stand”! Lifting you up.

  15. Lindy-
    Oh Lindy,I pray that you may find peace today. May God give you the strength to fight with all you might.

  16. Dad Ver Beek says:

    Hang “tough” Lindy. We pray for you and Dusty constantly.Your a great daughter-inlaw. We love you so much.Wish I could bear some of your pain. Love, Mom and Dad

  17. Deb VanHeck says:

    Lindy – You and your family have been on my mind for awhile. I’m sorry I haven’t resonded earlier. We are praying for you and your family every day. We love your family and miss seeing all of you. I would love to help out in any way. Would it be ok if we take Brooklyn sometime to my house for some swimming? Jenny would love to play and swim (if this weather cooperates) with her. I don’t want to mess up your schedules, but just consider it. I would also love to help you out at home, as well. Please have someone put me on “the list” for people to help you and Dusty out. My prayer for you today is that God gives you the peace and strength to enjoy the day with your family…that you won’t feel as sick today and that your anxiety of lossing your hair can go away. I totally understand the dutch philosophy. God is right beside you and will never let you go. Stay strong…you have family and friends that love you and will continue to lift you up in prayer.

  18. Ron Boersema says:

    From Psalm 119:50 “This is my comfort in my affliction,
    that your promise gives me life.” No matter what each day brings giving praise to God revives the spirit. Psalm 71 is a great chapter to meditate on.

    Blessings, Ron

  19. janevz says:

    Hi Lindy, I think it is very practical to want to use all of your shampoo.. :0) Clair and I are praying that the drugs can give you some relief from your awful nausea soon. My family is praying for you too. My 90 year old grandma goes to church three times a week to pray and I know you are on her prayer list. Keep up your fighting spirit! We love you!! Clair and Jane

  20. Aunt Kathy says:

    Hi Lindy;
    I have no idea what you and your family are dealing with, but but God has meant this for good and not evil-a hidden blessing-reading your blog ,laughing and crying with all the other “prayer worriors” and banding together to fight along side you!
    Keep us posted on that “hair thing” and don’t be a trooper-call the docs if you’re still sick!
    Love You,
    Aunt Kathy

  21. Marcia Ebels says:

    Dear Linday,
    When we are weak HE is strong; that is what continues to go through my mind when I read your blog. We are praying for you and your beautiful family. We also have Dusty in our thoughts as he needs to continue with his “other” job while you are home feeling not well. Thanks for sharing.

  22. Chanel Beghtel says:

    As you try to figure out how to hand all of this over to God, I thought that the following words I once heard in a sermon may help you out.

    “Don’t worry about tomorrow . . . God is already there!”

    Thinking of you and praying!

  23. Lindy,

    Good morning and I hope you are doing better today. I am on my knees praying! Hang in there. Good days are coming.

  24. Krista Brower says:

    We are praying continually for you and your whole family. My devotions today were from Psalms 121:3 “He that keepeth thee will not slumber” So you feel free to sleep soundly while your almighty God watches over you and your family!!

  25. Lori says:

    When life beats down on us and we get to the place where we just want to hide from everything and everyone, God often places people around us who stand by us and keep us moving in the right direction. Please know that our family is lifting you and your family up to God in this difficult time and standing by you on this journey, along with many others.

    “It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect. He makes my feet like the feet of a deer; He enables me to stand on the heights. He trains my hands for battle; my arms can bend a bow of bronze. You give me Your shield of victory; You stoop down to make me great. You broaden the path beneath me, so that my ankles do not turn.” (2 Samuel 22:33-37).

    God’s heart for you is hope, love, and peace . . . and so are our prayers.

    Love ya,

    Lori Kroll

  26. Joy Koning says:


    Sorry I haven’t posted sooner, our computer wasn’t working….but please know that we have been praying for you and your family all the time. You are always on my mind and I have shared your story with my family also, so there are alot of prayers and thoughts for you out there! I can’t say I relate at all, but I do know that being nauseous and not being able to take care of your kids is miserable…hang in there! I pray that you may have better days with energy and no nausea.

  27. Keely Lehr says:

    Hi Lindy, I just wanted to let you know that I am praying for you and your family! I hope the knowledge of so many friends and family members praying for you brings you some comfort. Thank you for including specific prayer requests on the side, I will write them down and keep them with me. A verse that is helping me lately is Psalm 46:10 “Be still and know that I am God”…I find it helps to calm my anxiety. Take care and stay strong!
    Keely (Van Til) Lehr

  28. Randy Meyers says:

    Hey Lindy,

    Chris Lowe directed me to your blog and as I was reading through some of the older posts I cried, more than a few tears, that is, until I was interrupted by a phone call from someone at the denomination who wanted the phone number of our bookkeeper, argh! But, they were not all tears of sadness, some were because I was laughing so hard, others because you capture such beautiful little moments that most of the time when life is on full throttle at least I know I tend to miss. What a mix, thanks!

    Sometimes Satan distracts us with little things like phone calls from 2850, or the cat that walks through your legs during small group prayer time, and sometimes he distracts us with big things like cancer or sick kiddos. You’ve got the right perspective, turn it over to the Holy Spirit and focus on following Jesus the perfecter of our faith. It is cool that you prayed for strength and courage because Sunday I preached on Philippians 1:12-30 where Paul expresses the same desire in v20.

    So you bet, Lynae and I will be praying for you and the family! It looks like you have a ton of support which is nice, but let us know if there is anything we can do.

    Stay strong and be of good courage,

  29. Holly says:

    Checking your blog all day…wondering how you are today….Good I hope and pray! HOpefully you were able to get outside and sit in the sun for a few minutes. Praying for you!…..

  30. Lisa says:

    Hi my name is Jim Schneider I am Lisa swansons older brother

    My heart is so full of love right now and my eyes are welled up with tears I have to stop reading for now will stop back later and read more God loves us so much.

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