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Waking Up

My body is starting to wake up from surgery.  I’m sore, crampy and tired.  I counted my incision scars from neck to hips and I have ten (not including mole removals).  I think this ends my dream of ever wearing a bikini again.  :) 

It’s still hard for me to look at myself.  When I bathe, change bandages or empty my drains, I emotionally remove myself, get the job done, and then sit on my bed and cry.  Nothing can prepare a person for this.  I’ve thought about this surgery all summer.  I’ve seen pictures of what it will look like.  I understood it was going to happen to me and why.  Actually seeing it on me is another thing.  It makes me sad, turns my stomach and makes me angry all at the same time.  I don’t see myself when I look in the mirror.    

I miss Max and Samantha.  I’ve seen Max a couple times and he wants me to pick him up and doesn’t understand why I can’t.  It breaks my heart.  Brooklyn is doing great.     

I go to Dr. Hoberman on Wednesday.  She thinks we’ll be able to remove the drains (yippee!) and we should have the pathology reports by then.  I will not miss the drains.  They are so gross and uncomfortable. 

Samantha is going to see Dr. Burdo-Hartman tomorrow (Dusty will be looking for you Barb!).  She’s the specialist Samantha sees from her birth trauma a year ago.  Please pray for another good visit without any disappointing news.  She’s a true miracle.  

This entry was posted on 9. November 2009 at 18:51 and is filed under What's New. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response or trackback from your own site.

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10 Responses to “Waking Up”

  1. Jenifer says:
    9. November 2009 at 20:46

    Thinking of you and praying for you- just remember scars will fade and you are always your toughest critic. You have been through so much in the last year and I pray Samantha’s visit goes great! Keep your chin up because you are a truely beautiful person- Love and Prayers

  2. Jenifer TenHarmsel says:
    9. November 2009 at 20:48

    Thinking of you and praying for you- just remember scars will fade and you are always your toughest critic. You have been through so much in the last year and I pray Samantha’s visit goes great! Keep your chin up because you are a truely beautiful person- Love and Prayers

  3. Susan Alberda says:
    9. November 2009 at 21:27

    Oh Lindy, you are beautiful. The battle scars you wear today will be made perfect in heaven, and you will finally be able to find out why you were chosen to bear them. And what a story they will tell, testifying to your faith and courage in Christ. You are one of His beloved.
    We love you, too, and continue to pray often.

  4. julie sal says:
    9. November 2009 at 22:36

    Praying for you to get thru these tough days. I’ll pray for tomorrow to go well and for those drains to be able to be removed on Wednesday. I recall those visits with Dr. Burdo-Hartman very well. Eventhough you know everything is going well, you still wonder what the dr. will say. I just kept praying she’d say “o.k. you’re right he’s normal. You’d never know he was a stillborn”. I’ll pray for Samantha to be right on target too.

  5. Michelle says:
    9. November 2009 at 22:48

    Time heals all wounds. It will get easier! Soon the battle scars will remind you of the battle you fought and won over cancer! Praying for His perfect peace for you!

  6. Deb Van Heck says:
    9. November 2009 at 23:24

    Dusty and Lindy…please know we are praying for you daily. God is good, even in tough times…and you both know that far to well. We will pray for you and Samantha this week. I am teaching Rhino on Wed. and I would love it if Brooklyn could come…if possible. Your blog is a true testiment to others, so please don’t forgot how beautiful you are and with God’s help (and many prayer warriors) you can fight this battle and WIN! Prayers and Hugs!

  7. Jana Ver Beek says:
    10. November 2009 at 03:56

    Oh, Lindy. Most people who have twins never wear a bikini again!! As many others have already said, “the scars will fade”, what’s inside is what’s important.
    Praying you have a good day and that Samantha has a good appointment in GR. Dr. Bardo-Hartman is going to be amazed!!!!!
    Praying without ceasing!
    Love,
    Jana

  8. Dani says:
    10. November 2009 at 08:40

    Lindy-You are amazing! With in time you will be able to look at your self again. You are in my prayers. Hang in there.

  9. Tina Amaya says:
    10. November 2009 at 11:05

    Lindy - can’t say that I know what you’re going through… but can say that in time, you will be able to know how truely beautiful you are. It is so hard to see as you are going through I am sure. God has a plan…. one that will take the bad and turn it for good. You are such a special person who is a great witness! Keep the faith friend. We will continue to pray for all of you … and for a perfect report for Sam! Lots of love - Tina

  10. Aunt Carole says:
    10. November 2009 at 20:14

    Thank you, Lindy, for always being so real. It would be so easy to tell it otherwise, but you tell it like it is, and with grace an dignity. And as far as the scars go, just think of it as another way that you are more like Jesus, both sharing scars that you bore out of love for others. Someday you will be able to put your hands in His nail-scarred hands. For now, just feel His warm and strong embrace as He wraps your scars in His love. Shalom, Grace, Love, & Prayers.

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