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I need a break

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Happy belated Father’s Day!  It’s been a long weekend.  The medicine they gave me helps a little, but not a lot.  I constantly feel sick, nauseas, exhausted and I can see why people ditch chemo.  It is rough.  This is the hardest thing I’ve been through.  Not to brag, but I’ve been through a few things in my 32 years.  I’ll spare you the list, but believe me chemo and cancer top it all. 

I have my bone scan today to see if the cancer has spread to my bones.  I hope it hasn’t.  I also have IV fluids, anti nausea meds and steroids today.  I’m sick of being poked and prodded.  I dread them accessing my port for the fluids.  For some reason the surgeon couldn’t get it in the best position and the nurse has a hard time accessing it.  It hurts.  It’s bruised.  I don’t want them to touch it.  Please pray that she can get it on her first attempt. 

Thank you for everything.  Your prayers are being felt and I need them more than ever.  I’m so tired.  I’m so sick of this.  I don’t want to go through 6 more rounds of chemo.  I need a break. 

41 Responses to “I need a break”

  1. Gregg VZ says:

    Lindy, I’m sorry…

    If there is anything I can do, let me/us know… I wish I could switch spots with you for a while, to give you some relief… I pray that the results of the tests today come back clean and that you can get some rest and strength. We definitely are thinking and praying for you … Hang in there.

  2. Julie Meyers says:

    How easy it is for us to drop off food, and go on with our lives, leaving you behind sick and exhausted…we have NO idea what you’re going through physically, emotionally, spiritually…I wish there was more I could say or do. We will continue to pray because we believe it’s the best thing we can do for you, but Satan is after you…he wants this to bring you down, and I know you can are stronger, and we know that if you can’t God is more powerful. Last night in church we sang “Tis So Sweet to Trust in Jesus” and the line “oh for grace to trust Him more…” I thought of you, like I do every day, every hour. It’s not easy to trust in God in times like these…I’m sure you just wonder why He’s putting you through this, so I pray specifically that He’ll give you GRACE to trust Him more…when you can’t do it on your own. This is sad news to hear from you today…please know that my heart goes out to you…I will be praying all day for you.

  3. Jana Zuidema says:

    It sounds like you are halfway through what you referred to as the worst rounds of chemo (4 bad and 4 a little better). Just hang in there for 2 more and then hopefully you will have a little reprieve.

  4. Christy VanKoevering says:

    Hi Lindy,
    Reading your blog today brings tears to eyes, I pray for your strength especially today, it sounds like you really need it! I will pray too for the medical staff that will be caring for you and hope their expertise shines today just for you!

  5. Dad Ver Beek says:

    Dearest Lindy….. You are a beautiful person inside and out. God has a plan and a purpose for your life. He is allowing you to go through this terrible valley for a reason. Please keep on being strong !! I arm wrestled with God a bit this afternoon. Asked Him to remove this burden from you. I can understand What Dusty is going through as I’ve been there many times myself. I am keeping you both in
    my prayers and thoughts. You both are loved beyond words !!Dad

  6. julie sal says:

    Praying that the bone scan goes well, that the port area doesn’t hurt so much, and that you can get some relief from the sick feeling. I also prayed that your new carpet stayed dry (did it? ;-0 ) Thanks so much for the updates.

  7. Lindy,
    I can hear the despair behind your words, and it makes my heart ache. My prayer for you is that you can find some solace in knowing that you are not alone. Though we can’t relieve your burden (although many of us would if we could!), we can promise to be faithful in lifting you up to the Throne. He hears every time your name is spoken before Him, and I can just imagine the sound that the chorus of it will be making today. We are praying for your healing….

  8. Maryann Rondeau says:

    Praying that you will have continued strength to get through these next few treaments and that the medical staff is able to ease your discomfort.

  9. angie e says:

    We are praying for you and the family everyday. May you find peace in this time even when you may not think that you cant carry on we are all there to carry you with our prayers.

  10. Julie Meyaard says:

    I am the 3rd Julie to comment today…not sure what it means but it must be something good. 🙂
    I have had the worst attitude the last few days about how unfair life can be….this is a hard fight but you are strong….God is speaking everyday through you. Praying for some relief from your nausea. Praying for some happy days for you and Dusty and the kids.

  11. CARL M says:

    Hi sweetie, your being tested, no doubt about it. You have to be tough, I know that’s easy for me to say, but what else can we say. Try to take it day by day and not worry about what may or may not be in the future. You possess more strength than you realise. Get a little mad. Liven up!! Your spirit’s to strong to be held down by this!!

  12. Aunt Kathy says:

    Dearest Lindy;
    So very disheartening to hear all you continue to experience!
    We feel so helpless-but grateful you feel our prayers!
    I hope this blog in some small way keeps you connected and comforted!
    Hearing what you must endure is beyond comprehension-we will pray for good reports and tender touches from the medical staff!
    Love and loads of prayers,
    Aunt Kathy and Uncle Paul

  13. Liz TenCate says:

    Dear Lindy,
    My heart breaks for you and tears fill my eyes as I read your blog! I am so sorry your going thru this just remember your not alone! We will continue to pray for some relief from ALL your pain and pray for some relief too! WE pray too for much compassion from the medical staff as well. 🙂 I pray that God will perform a MIRACLE on your body and take away the cancer and that it hasn’t spread to your bones!
    Lots of Love Always!
    Liz TenCate

  14. Aunt Shirley says:

    Hi Lindy,
    My heart just ached after I read your blog today. I am so so sorry all that you are going through. I just can’t imagine. I have not forgot a song to share this week-Be Not Afraid from Isaiah 43:1-4. “Be not afraid; I have called you by name. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you, When you pass through the floods they will not sweep over you; when you walk through the fire, you will not be consumed; you are MINE, you are PRECIOUS in my sight, My love for you is EVERLASTING, my love for you shall have no end.” We love you – Aunt Shirley and Uncle Gar

  15. Jana Ver Beek says:

    Dear Lindy,
    I’m not sure why God gives some people so many trials and others just seem to breeze through life. I guess He wants to use you to show others the deep faith you have. We, as Christians, have hope, faith and love, just like our “support” bracelets say. Lean on that with all you’re worth and soon you’ll be on the other side of this awful time.
    Praying you have better days coming.
    Love, Jana

  16. Kim Kolean says:

    My niece on Brad’s side just got married last weekend and she had the song “How Great is our God” in her wedding. Actually the whole group plus the audience was singing it together which was pretty powerful. During the song, you popped in my head and I felt like crying but I held it together. God is great because he heals…please remember this when you feel sick and the nurses are hurting you with needles. Dear God…please help Lindy and her family through this difficult time and give her comfort and healing…Amen.

  17. Amy & Brent Sluiter says:

    Lindy… I’m so sorry you’re going through this and carrying so much physical and emotional pain. We are praying, praying, praying and will never stop believing that God, our Great Healer, will give you complete healing. We also pray that He takes away the pain, nausea, and discomfort while you wait on Him for healing. If there’s ANYTHING you need, we’re here for you! With much love, The Sluiters

  18. Kelli Tinholt says:

    Lindy – I’m so sorry that everything is hitting so hard. I am praying so hard that you will get some relief from your pain and nausea, and that the bone scan will be clear. I also am praying that God is still revealing Himself to you despite everything you’re going through. Your faith is amazing, and God will bless you for your faithfulness to Him.

  19. Jen TenHarmsel says:

    Hi Lindy-

    The right words to try to cheer you up are just not coming to me… All I know is just when you think you can’t make it through something- YOU DO… Just when you think you can’t go anymore- YOU DO… Just when you you want to let your self give up- YOU WON’T…You are an amazing, strong,
    inspiring, fighter who WILL make it through this with God’s hand holding yours and giving you the strength to make it to the next day and soon this will all be behind you…Hugs for all of you- YOU WILL MAKE IT through this dark vall

  20. amy colthorrp says:

    Sorry to hear this a bad few days for you- the beginning is a very rough place to be.

    I found alot of helpful info at this site Some of the language is crass, the women are occasionally caddy but for the most part, you can ask for advice and will often get several good answers. From my quick glance, some women tried acupuncture with good success and chocolate covered ginger as a natural alternative.

    Praying that the next few days see a decrease in the symptoms of chemo.

  21. Stacy Wiersma says:

    I am praying like crazy that this gets a little easier for you. Hold strong!! You can do this!!

  22. Alaida Weerstra says:

    I asked your Aunt Mary if I could have your blog, hope you don’t mind. My husband and I are good friends of Mary and Del and they let us know about you. I just want you to know that I pray for you and Dusty and your family everyday. I’m so sorry you need to go through this thing called cancer and all the test and pokes and chemo that goes along with it. Just remember keep your eyes on the BIG “C” Christ as He helps you fight this little “c” cancer. He’s bigger! When you go through this bone scan just sing God’s praises and it will help you get through this. Promise! It’s so great to read that you and Dusty have such a strong relationship with CHrist. He is Able. Alaida

  23. barb says:

    “all my tears weren’t cried in watch over’ve never left me watch over me when the night seems long…you help me see the way before watch over me…never once have you forsaken me…you watch over me in the darkest valleys..when the night seems watch over me…you watch over me” these lyrics playing as I write this. I am praying you feel His watching over you..God bless you..God Keep you..God smile on you..and God give you His peace…..In His Grip..barb

  24. Denise says:


    Talked to Scott Nelson (Jill Nelson’s husband) yesterday and he wanted me to let you know that they are there to help you guys out in anyway. Please use Jill as a support and if Dusty wanted to talk to Scott he is open for that. Here are lyrics to a song that keeps running through my mind for you:

    I can do all things
    Through Christ who gives me strength,
    But sometimes I wonder what He can do through me;
    No great success to show, No glory on my own,
    Yet in my weakness He is there to let me know . . .

    His strength is perfect when our strength is gone;
    He’ll carry us when we can’t carry on.
    Raised in His power, the weak become strong;
    His strength is perfect, His strength is perfect.

    We can only know
    The power that He holds
    When we truly see how deep our weakness goes;
    His strength in us begins
    Where ours comes to an end.
    He hears our humble cry and proves again . . .

    I hope and pray that today brings comfort to you. Think & pray for you everyday.

  25. Cara Maat says:

    we love you Lindy…- Dave and Cara

  26. Kristi O'Neill says:

    Hi Lindy, I haven’t talked to you yet since you have been going through all of this, but I have thought about you a lot. Being that I have never gone through this myself I can’t say “Oh, it will be OK.” but I do know you are strong and have gone through a lot and made it! It will just take time… What a weight on your shoulders! I wouldn’t wish that on anyone! I was looking through your blog today and you have so much support. That is wonderful! Is it bad that I wish everyone were cooking for me? :o) I don’t know if Brooklyn would be interested in playing with Audrey sometime but maybe we can figure it out. Or I could come over with Jill someday and bring Audrey so they can play. I hope your day is going well…Kristi

  27. Eva Koetje says:

    I am so thankful for the updates that you give so we can be specific in what we pray for. All of you are in our prayers daily, as we lift you up we know God will continue to give you sufficient strength for each moment. We will be praying the sickness that you experience each time will get less and less, and that you will be able to regain strength. May each day hold some silver lining for you, and may your faith guide you through.

  28. Joni Gibson says:

    We are praying that you will be filled with strength and peace.

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