Let’s be indulgent for a minute. Let’s play the what-if game. Let’s put on our creative hats and go down a lane that’s fun until you’re faced it.
You have been told by an oncologist you have maybe a year to live. Imagine what you want to do with your life.
I will take you down my mind’s road as I’ve pondered this for over a week.
My first thought was to dust off my video camera and start making tapes for my kids (I will probably still do this, I just don’t know where to begin). What do you say? How do you convey the most important things you want them to know? How can you be sure they will be on the right track throughout their lives if you’re not here?
Another suggestion was to write a small children’s book, just for our kids, to help them understand what mommy is going through. (Thanks to Snapfish, I’ve already started).
Then I started to categorize by the decades in my life.
In my 20’s:
Brooklyn wasn’t born until I was in my late 20’s so I’m sure my thoughts would have been self indulgent and silly. Like apply for all the credit cards I can, max them out, quit my job, cash in the little money I saved into my 401K, take Dusty and travel the country coast-to-coast or maybe even the world. Stay in the best hotels. See all the things I’ve ever wanted to see. Eat whatever I’ve wanted to eat. Experience all the things I could experience. Sky Dive. Scuba. Bungee. Gamble a little. Get a tattoo. Buy all the clothes I could’ve ever wanted. Oh and always come home for the holidays and eat one or two servings of each dessert or maybe the whole pan if it’s my grandma’s oreo ice cream dessert (I have a BIG sweet tooth).
In my 30’s
Brooklyn was born in 2003 so we had a beautiful little girl in our 30’s. We were running a baby furniture store and things were more serious at this time compared to my 20’s. Life wasn’t as carefree. Dusty and I were working really hard at the store and most of it wasn’t fun. Unfortunately, it was a difficult business to deal with and the economy was slowly tanking. We loved Brooklyn so much that we knew wanted to have more children. So by the miracle of invitro fertilization we found out in 2008 we were expecting twins. The news was quickly overshadowed by severe sickness. We took our eye off the store and thankfully had great employees to help run it, but it’s not the same when you’re not in it (mentally or physically). The store began to drag and so did our attitudes. Had I been given the “years notice” at that time I would’ve immediately thrown in the towel, locked the doors, said “come get us! (fist shaking in the air)” and lived my life with our blossoming family. But being the hardworking dutch people we are, we couldn’t throw in the towel. We had to close the best way we could. In May 2009 we closed the store. I still would’ve eaten the entire pan of my grandma’s oreo ice cream dessert, but I didn’t know I had a year left. 🙂
Now…
I’m still in my 30’s. Thirty three to be exact. It was the end of May 2009 I was told I had breast cancer. The twins were 7 months old and Brooklyn was five. We had a young family with lots of help and we got through it. My cancer was invasive and aggressive. I went through chemo, double mastectomy, radiation and was looking forward to reconstruction when I was told the cancer metastasized to my brain in the form of six tumors and I have about a year to live. Now put that in your pipe and smoke it.
Last Friday, Dusty and I were given that news. We had conversations I didn’t think we would ever have to have. Talks about the kids and what’s most important to us for them. Before this diagnosis we were “getting bored” with our house and started to look for new houses/property to buy. I was looking forward to reconstruction and at least looking “normal” with clothes on. Suddenly…nothing mattered. Nothing mattered. Not ONE thing. WHO CARES WHAT OUR HOUSE LOOKS LIKE? Who cares if I don’t have the ideal bathroom situation for two little girls.
My only concern is to stay alive. I have to live. I am going to raise my children. I am going to be the best mom I can be for them. I will be there for them through all the bumps, scrapes, broken hearts, troubles and needs. I am going to make a difference in this world. I am going to be the best wife my husband could ask for and the best daughter, sister and friend.
So given a year doesn’t mean I’m going to dip my toes in each coast of the country or eat an entire pan of my grandma’s oreo ice cream dessert. I’ll have plenty of time to do that.
I’m going to do what God would want me to do. He wants me to live and save souls for Christ!
Go save some souls!
You go girl!!!!
Hugs and Prayers!
Very well said, Lindy. You are truly one awesome woman with such a drive in life. Thanks for your truthful words. Still praying!
Amen Amen You are awesome. Bye the way I did make a pan of oreo cookie dessert. Hope mine is as good. You might have to share though. Praying for a good day for you and your family
Lindy – you are such an inspiration! Thank you for sharing what God has laid on your heart. Enjoy the day – God made it beautiful!
Lindy,
You have inspired me to be a better person. Thank you for sharing your heart. Enjoy your day with your wonderful family. Love ya!
Ahh, Lindy, you express yourself with words sooo beautifully! For me to soak in the beauty of a woman’s heart that I’ve only just met is amazing. Your eyes are firmly fixed on Christ and He is upholding you and giving you assured victory in all of life! You so hit the nail on the head when you said you’ll have plenty of time to eat grandma’s orea dessert and dip your toes in the coast. Yes, indeed, my beautiful lady, you will live and tell of the works of the Lord!
A-men sister! I don’t think it could be better said. Keep working for His kingdom!
That is sooo Lindy. You are so strong.
You Go Girl!
Lindy, Powerful words and I believe everyone of them. You can do all things through Christ!
Lindy words cannot even expres how beautiful this makes us feel. You are such a child of God! You are saving souls and will continue to do so, for a very long time!!! Praying always!!
Lindy, I don’t personally know you (I grew up with Dusty), but I know that you are awesome, and inspiring, and a blessing to so many people. I’ve given much thought to the “what if’s” lately, and our old kitchen cupboards and carpet really aren’t bothering me much anymore 🙂 Keep sharing your story- we’ll keep praying!
Praying constantly Lindy. You put things into perspective for all of us, thank-you!
“And how bold and free we then become in His presence, freely asking according to His will, sure that He’s listening”:)…The Message I John 5:14
Run hard after Jesus!….In His Grip, barb
Thank you for your inspiring words Lindy! God is pouring His love out of you during this hard time. I believe you WILL be healed! Praying every day for you:)
Amen Lindy. Your words have made me want to be a better Christian, wife, mother, daughter, and friend. Thank you for the so inspiring words Lindy. Praying for you everyday.
Like, like, like! Nothing else matters….so true! Thank you for letting God use you while you feel sick, tired, and sick of being sick and tired! You are blessing many as you walk this road and your reward in heaven will be great I’m sure….but you may have to wait say….40-50 years to see it! 🙂
Lindy, you truly are amazing. Thank you for sharing so beautifully a reminder about what’s really important in life. Thank you for living as a wonderful testimony to the hope we have in Jesus and the reminder to go save some souls! And thank you for making me crave some Oreo dessert (boy does that sound good!) 🙂 Love ya!
Spoken from a heart that seeks to please God! Thanks for the great reminder that all those things don’t matter and won’t provide long lasting happiness. Showing others God’s love is what matters.
Lindy,
I do not know you, but I pray for you often. Your words are inspiring and way wiser than your 33 years. Keep the faith girl!
Lindy – beautifully written – Amen!
There is no way you could be a better friend then what you already are. I love you Lindy!
Well said, it’s amazing how the important things change so quickly.
Keep on living for the King Lindy!! We are commanding everyday in Jesus name for sickness to leave your body. By his stripes Lindy is Healed! 1Peter:24 Praise God!!
Hi Lindy, I don’t know you personally. I grew up in Zeeland and went to church with Dusty’s parents so I saw him around. Your story is simply amazing. I can’t imagine being in your position while also trying to maintain/preserve your family. I can’t do much more than offer my heartfelt prayers for your recovery, first and foremost, and in the alternative, that your time be spent with family and friends doing what you enjoy most while setting a great example for your children. Take care.
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