I can’t believe summer is halfway over. I’ve been trying to do what I purposed this summer for – enjoy my kids. This is what we’ve done so far…
1. Moved into our house. We are settled in. It’s starting to feel like “home”. We see a little grass in the yard and we can’t wait until it’s all filled in. The pool is across the street and we love it.
2. We had a week at a cottage:
3. Enjoyed the Herman Miller Picnic:
4. Survived Swimming Lessons:
5. Had a blast at Great Wolf Lodge in Traverse City
The night before we left for Great Wolf in Traverse City, I had Max at Urgent Care where he was diagnosed with half an ear infection and half swimmers ear. Poor little guy. So here he is getting drops in his ear. 🙁
Put your paws up
I’m feeling pretty good. I have a lot of back, neck and shoulder pain. I don’t know why I have pain in my back. My shoulder pain is due to arthiritis. My neck pain is due to a muscle that won’t stop spasming. I’m still tired, but the NEED for a nap is gone. Yea! Since I had so much radiation done to my brain, we are watching for neuropathy in my arms, hands, legs and feet. I’ve been having some pain in my arm, elbow and all the way down to my pinky finger. Not fun, but I can still function. I mean hey, I’m still typing right?
I’m having this inner battle lately. I don’t know why. I don’t know what it is. I don’t know where it’s coming from. I have this terrible feeling that I’m not going to win this time. There I said it. I feel weak. Physically and mentally weak. Faced with breast cancer a few years ago I knew I was going to beat it. I stayed positive and kept fighting.
A year ago when it reappeared in my brain, I was sitting wide awake on a gurney at Mayo. I had a doctor on each side of me turning screws into my skull for a halo and I thought, this isn’t for nothing we’re gonna blast those tumors outta my brain. We did. Except for two little spots that remain and we can’t prove they’re tumors.
This time it’s in my lungs and the plan is that I will start the chemo pill Xeloda in September. This time, however, my body has been poisoned, it’s bruised, it’s battered, it has seen battles and I don’t know if it’s physically ready to handle another one. Mentally I’m not as strong as I once was. I never minded needles before. I didn’t like them, but I wasn’t phobic. Now I have anxiety every time I need to have blood drawn or an injection given! Time magazine recently had an article entitled Scanxiety and it described exactly how I feel. When did I become so weak?! I’m such a wuss. This isn’t who I was. I don’t even know who I am anymore.
So for now I wait until September when I go back to Dr. Schott for more scans. Three things could be seen:
1. The spots in my lungs are gone – MIRACLE! With no new spots found.
2. The spots haven’t changed.
3. The spots grew.
There is never a time that cancer is free from my mind. Never. It’s ALWAYS there. It weighs me down. It’s a burden. It’s there when we’re moving into our new house. When I watch Brooke swim like a fish on her last day of swimming lessons. It came along to Great Wolf with us and hung over me while Max and my dad figured out every little wheel and lever on Fort Mackenzie. It’s there when I watch Max and Samantha go from staying on the steps of the pool, and now with beaming faces, jumping in without abandon. It’s robbing me of full joy and I hate it for that.
Cancer has, however, brought some really awesome people into my life. It has shown me ways to serve others and how to show love.
Prayer Requests:
1. I will be strong enough to face the journey ahead – findings, treatment, etc.
2. Pray for a miracle.
3. Our family as they endure cancer with me.
4. A cure!
Lindy, I pray daily for your strength. I’ll pray for your above requests for your battle and your family. I wish cancer wasn’t always lurking everywhere you go. I totally understand though and am sure you’re handling better than most of us could. I’ll pray for strength from God to carry you, for God to fight this battle for you. Thanks for the update!
Oh Lindy, my heart is burdened for you and your family as well. I think I can honestly say that there isn’t a day that I don’t think about your cancer as well, and I’m probably safe in saying that it’s true for most of us who have been praying for you. So please don’t feel like you’re carrying this burden alone. When you feel weighed down, remember that you are being lifted up in prayer, and God’s arms are long enough to reach you no matter how low you feel. Your family is precious! I love it when Samantha comes to me to give me hugs (all the while keeping her eyes on you or Loie). And Brooklyn, when telling me about the pool, said, “I bet you’re jealous”. Yes we are, especially this past week! So Lindy, keep persevering, and give yourself credit for the battle your are fighting – you are an inspiration to all of us! God has a plan, and we won’t stop praying for it till He gives us His miracle! Love you all!
Lindy,
I am praying with the expectation that I will see a miracle in you. I hate doubt, it’s straight from the enemy. I have been fighting it too this week. It’s makes us think our God cannot turn it around but He can! I can only imagine what you have been through and how you are feeling looking at another battle. I will continue to hope and pray to see this miracle of healing completed in you.
Lord, thank you for Lindy and for her example of strength and faith. May her cancer be completely gone when she goes back for scans in September. May you continue to lift her up in hope and may she be able to just enjoy this journey you have laid out for her. May she be filled with an overwhelming peace and revive her spirit. Amen.
You are NOT a wuss. You are the strongest person I know. I don’t know anybody who has gone through what you have…..not even close. It really sucks that you may have to do this again, but YOU can do this.
Lindy, you are NOT weak, but when you’re feeling that way just remember the last line of verse one of the song “Jesus Loves Me” – I/we/they are weak but HE IS STRONG!
We are praying for you constantly!!!! Trusting God for another miracle! You are not alone… He will never leave you or forsake you. When you are weak… Christ is strong! Love you girl!
Lindy, you are a strong and beautiful person. I think about you and pray for you every single day. I believe that God will provide another miracle in your life. I can feel your pain of having this terrible disease weighing on your mind. I think about grandma Jeneen every single day. No matter what is going on around me, my thoughts are on her.
And yet we go on. James 1:12 says… Blessed is the woman who perseveres under trail,because when you have stood the test, you will receive the crown of life that GOD has promised to those who love him. You are a remarkable person. I know you love God and God loves you.
Tears…I HATE cancer!!
Praying for you…for peace…for JOY…for you to feel the love of those around you but mostly to feel the incredible love of Jesus holding you each moment of every day.
Praying for strength to keep figthing…our God is a God of miracles!!
Lindy, I keep reading your last blog. First, thank you for sharing the bright spots in your beautiful family’s life. And second, I am amazed and humbled by your candor. Few of us dare to reveal the truth of our feelings (and some people don’t really want to hear them; after my husband died, people were sort of afraid to see/hear my raw grief.) I join the myriad prayer warriors on your behalf: for a cessation of your pain, for strength and peace, for God’s grace to be poured out in healing your body and in balm for your soul.