I’ve been feeling really good lately.  It’s been SO NICE!  I’ve been doing some normal mom stuff.  I love it.  I’m still pretty tired, but overall things are going well.  I went to Brooklyn’s soccer game last Saturday.  Good times.

Now that I’ve been out and about more I realize most people don’t recognize me with my wig on.  It’s really funny.  I’ve seen some of you and you don’t know it’s me.  I’ll say hi and I get the nice smile and hello, but no recognition.  Others just look right through me.  It’s hilarious.  So if you were at Zeeland Christian, Meijers or church lately and a stranger said hello to you, it was probably me.  🙂 

I had an MRI at Spectrum last night to see how big the tumor is.  Getting an MRI is intense.  The machine is so loud it’s crazy.  It went well though.  I don’t have results yet.  Hopefully I’ll have them Friday. 

Today I met with Dr. Hoberman.  I really like her and now Dusty was able to meet her too.  I’m having a double mastectomy with a modified radical mastectomy on the right side.  This means they’re also taking my axillary (under arm) lymph nodes.  At the end of the visit, she even prayed for us.  She’s a wonderful surgeon.

Oh and guess what…my surgery was moved again!  This time it was because Holland Hospital didn’t have an OR available for the block of time they need.  My surgery is now on November 5.  I have 43 days left. 

School is going well for Brooklyn.  Max and Samantha are doing well.  I can’t believe they’ll be a year next month!  Time flies. 

I’ll see some of you Saturday at the Race For A Cure.  I can’t wait.

The past couple days have been much better.  My heart is still beating out of whack, but it’s not as bad as earlier in the week.  It helps to know it’s not life threatening.  I’m also starting to feel better from the effects of chemo.  Thank God! 

Since there was a conflict in schedules with one of the surgeons, my surgery date was moved from October 23 to October 30.  This will be nice for Brooklyn, Max and Samantha’s birthdays.  Not so nice for Halloween.  Do you think I can trick or treat in the hospital?  I won’t even have to dress up!  🙂

I checked the goal for Laps for Lindy last night and we are over it!  That is so awesome.  I am blown away at how many people are participating.  It’s nice to know so many people care.  Not only about me and my family, but about finding a cure.  Thank you for signing up and your support.  I can’t wait to see the team next week Saturday.  I will be there cheering you on. 

This morning I’m going to watch Brooklyn’s soccer game and then hang out with the kids for the day.  I can’t wait. 

Have a great weekend! 

My heart has been beating irregularly since Monday.  So this morning I thought I better call the doctor and figure out what it is.  They sent me straight to the E.R.  (sorry for freaking you out Kathy).

They ran an EEG, EKG, did a chest x-ray and lab work.  They found my heart is taking an extra beat and that I’m low on potassium and magnesium.  They gave me supplements and sent me on my merry way. 

So half the day was spent with the awesome people at Holland Hospital’s Emergency Department.  Jill happens to work in the E.R. so when she heard I was there, she drove over and hooked me up with all the greatest amenities (the cleanest bathrooms, disinfected x-ray room, etc – you know, the important things). 

I tell ya, just when you think you’re in the home stretch and it’s nothing but smooth sailing from now til surgery, something like today happens and throws ya for a loop.  I AM READY TO LIVE A NORMAL LIFE!  I was looking forward to bringing Brooke to school and spending the day with Kathy and the babies. 

Speaking of surgery, I was supposed to have an appointment with Dr. Hoberman (surgeon) today, but had to reschedule due to the E.R. visit.  It sounds like my surgeries are scheduled for October 23.  That also happens to be Brooklyn’s 6th birthday.  Don’t tell Brooke that my surgery will be on her birthday.  We’ll figure something out for that.  I was hoping to have the surgeries sooner, but they need to wait at least six weeks after my last chemo to perform the surgery.  It gives my body time to recover I suppose.

Thank you Kathy for taking care of Max, Samantha and Brooke today during all the drama.  Thanks mom for taking me to the E.R., bringing Brooke to and from school and being there.  Thank you Jill for coming to the hospital even though you knew I’d tell you not to.   

This is so exhausting.  I’m sick of cancer living my life. 

However, I know I’ll feel better soon and will rejoin society.  Go to Brooke’s soccer practice and games.  Seeing our small group Monday night.   Normal stuff.

And my heart is still beating irregularly…

I’m all done with chemo.  I cannot believe it.  Done.  All done!  It feels awesome and surreal.  My last treatment was today and not only that, but I don’t need to have a Neulasta shot tomorrow!  Yippee! 

Here are pictures of me receiving my first chemo in June and my last chemo today.  Please excuse how I look.  I look terrible!

This is Kendra.  She’s my nurse that has been with me since the beginning.  She always gave me my chemo and usually my fluids (when I needed them), my Neulasta shots, answered all my silly questions and held my hand through this. 

Wow…what a summer it has been.  I was diagnosed Memorial Day weekend and finished just after Labor Day weekend.  My summer was literally doing and dealing with chemo.  Even though chemo was torture, I had some pretty good highlights too.  This summer I got to see Max and Samantha start crawling, say “dada”, start standing, start cruising and feeding themselves.  I got to see Brooklyn swim all by herself and take ballet class and develop into a sweet and caring little girl.  She is such a good big sister to them.

The other thing I learned this summer is that I have really great family and friends.  I mean, I always knew all of you were terrific, but you’ve gone above and beyond what I could ever imagine.    

Part of today’s appointment was meeting with Dr. VanderWoude.  I was relieved to hear she disagrees with needing to take my ovaries.  She explained that because my BRCA tests (genetic testing) came back negative that I am not at increased risk for ovarian cancer.  I have the same odds as everyone else.  So I’ve decided not to let them take them.  I am so glad about that. 

Thank you for the flowers that you sent me today (you know who you are), the cookies, cards and emails.  I could not have made it without your support.  All of your prayers have kept me moving forward.  At my deepest darkest moments (and believe me, I had many) it helped to know that I had people pulling and praying for me.   Each of you are a part of our lives for a reason and we feel blessed to have you.  God has been good to me.

The next step is to make it through the last effects of chemo which takes about two weeks with the worst of it being this weekend.  Then an MRI to see how much the tumor shrunk.  I meet with Dr. Hoberman next week about the mastectomy and hysterectomy which will happen in October.   We don’t have a date set for that yet. 

I’ve made it this far and I believe through the worst of it.  I know surgery will be tough and radiation isn’t fun, but chemo was really hard and I’m so glad it’s done. 

I had my second to last round of chemo yesterday.  Everything went well.  My lab work is another story.  My hemoglobin (red cells) are really low so I’m anemic.  If they drop into the eights (I’m currently in the nines) I’ll need a blood transfusion.  My white blood cells were so low that they had to do a Neulasta shot today.  When white cells are low I’m very susceptible to illness so I need to avoid large crowds and public areas.  Neulasta boosts my white blood cells.  It’s a bummer though because Neulasta adds to bone, joint and muscle pain.  It’s going to be a rough weekend. 

Dusty and I met with Dr. Dodde today.  I liked him.  He’s going to be my reconstructive surgeon.  He went over three options for me.  One of which isn’t a good option (just implants).  The two options he wants me to consider are a TRAM flap or a Latissimus Dorsi flap.  I’m spare you the full details of each, but the gist for the TRAM flap is that they take your stomach muscles, tissue and skin and move them up (no implants).  The Latissimus Dorsi flap takes muscles, tissue and skin from under your arm and part of your back, bring it around front and reconstruct from there.  This would involve implants.  Either procedure takes about 5-6 hours and weeks of recovery.  I have a lot to consider.  I’m thankful I have a lot of time to weigh my options. 

It seems like I have so much going on.  Everything is changing.  It’s a lot to digest.  Please pray for guidance. 

I was so excited to see some people joined the Laps for Lindy team.  How fun!  Thank you for participating either physically and/or finacially.  That’s great!  We hope to be there cheering everyone on!

Just a quick note to say that I saw Dr. Vander Woude today.  She is extremely happy with how I’m responding to chemo.  She said the tumor continues to shrink. 

I also got the results of my genetic testing and it’s negative!  This means that I do not have a mutation of the BRCA1 or BRCA2 gene.  Therefore I do not need to have my ovaries removed and it also means that Brooklyn, Max and Samantha are not at increased risk for cancer.  We are so relieved; especially for the sake of our kids. 

Eleven years ago today I got married.  Today is our anniversary.  Some of you were there.  Do you remember it?  It was a great day.  One of the best in my life. 

Never would I have thought I’d be bald and have cancer on my 11 year anniversary.  Then again, I also never thought I’d have twins.  It just goes to show that life doesn’t always turn out the way we think it will.

As far as my cancer is concerned I’m still fighting it.  I have chemo again on Wednesday so I’m trying to enjoy today and the next few days as best as I can.  Every day is different.  Some days are okay.  Some days are really hard. 

My only goal of the day is to feel good enough to go out and celebrate our anniversary tonight.  I feel pretty good so it shouldn’t be a problem.  Nothing fabulous.  Just dinner. 

Brooklyn left today to enjoy the week camping with Bea’s and Papa.  We hope to visit them quite a bit too.  At least before chemo on Wednesday.  It will be nice to get a change of scenery.  I feel like I never leave my house! 

Samantha is pulling herself to standing by furniture all the time and I was able to witness her cruise from the exersaucer to a chair!  She took four steps.  Go Samantha!  Max still loves exploring by army crawling around.  He’s a silly little guy. 

I meet with Dr. Dodde this week.  He’s my reconstructive plastic surgeon.  I’m interested to hear what his opinion is on the type of reconstruction I should have.  I also hope to get the results of my genetic testing soon.

On a side note, check out the link Laps for Lindy.  My brother, Clair Vander Zwaag, started a Laps for Lindy team for the Susan G. Komen 5K Race For a Cure at the end of September.  If you would like to join the Laps for Lindy team, make a donation or come out to cheer everyone on feel free! 

Thank you for your prayers.  They are being felt every day. 

Thank you for the meals.  They are DELICIOUS! 

Thank you for the help with our kids.  They are loved. 

Thank you for the cards.  They are read often. 

One of the things I love to tell people is how awesome all of you are.  Random people (nurses, neighbors, family, friends, the questionnaire I fill out at the doctor’s office, etc) ask if we need help or a meal and I am so quick to let them know how wonderful our friends, family and community is.  You’ve all gone above and beyond what I think is even possible.  You have our sincerest THANK YOU. 

Only two more rounds to go!  Chemo went well on Wednesday.  The port is still working well and I didn’t have a reaction to the Taxol. 

Today the achiness and pain is really starting to set in.  The good news is that I didn’t have to get a Neulasta shot after chemo because my white blood cell count was at a good level.  Neulasta can add to the bone, muscle and joint pain.  So I hope that by not having the shot I won’t be so uncomfortable this time around. 

I see an end in sight.  Thank you for your prayers, help, concern, thoughts, emails, etc.  They mean so much to me. 

Have a great weekend! 

I haven’t written in a while because I don’t have much to say.  Yesterday I started feeling better.  Tomorrow is another round of chemo.  I have three treatments left.  I absolutely do not want to go.  Part of me wishes I had treatments every three weeks so I would have a more enjoyable life.  The other part of me wants to keep trudging through so I can be done sooner.  I’ll keep trudging.  I just want this behind us.

Our lives are organized chaos right now.  Dusty is doing well.  He’s enjoying his new role at Herman Miller.  Brooklyn is having fun wrapping up summer (now that summer weather just got here).  She had a good time seeing the play Charlotte’s Web at Hope College yesterday.  Max and Samantha are great.  Samantha is not only crawling, but can occasionally pull herself to standing!  Max still does his army crawl to get around.  It’s a very interesting maneuver.

Last Wednesday I met with the genetic testing nurse and Dr. Vander Woude.   I’ve decided to go ahead with the genetic testing.  Dr. VanderWoude is happy with the progress I’m making which is very encouraging.

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