I wish I could say I’m going to Disneyland, but I have to settle for chemoland instead.  Today was my first chemo treatment and it went as expected.  Dusty went with me and we were fortunate to get a private room with a bed.  I took a nap and Dusty read a book I got him from the library.  It’s for husband’s who have wives who have breast cancer.  Chemo took two hours and I have used every anti-nausea drug they’ve given me.  I’m still a little nauseous, very tired and extremely sore from the biopsy.  I want to fast forward a couple days so the pain from the biopsy and discomfort from the Power Port placement can pass and then all I have to deal with is chemo. 

Brooklyn was so cute last night when I got home from the hospital.  She didn’t want to leave my side.  I went to bed around 8:30.  Brooklyn snuck in my room and quietly sat at the foot of the bed just looking at me.  She thought she was in trouble for getting out of bed.  I told her she could lay in daddy’s spot until he comes to bed, but that she had to be careful not to bump me because I was very sore.  She was extra careful and fell asleep.  It was one of those great moments I’ll never forget. 

Today was hard because it was the first day since we brought Samantha home from the NICU and I hemorrhaged that I didn’t hold the babies.  I couldn’t.  It hurts too much.  I know it’s for the better, but not being able to hold your kids and watching someone else do it is hard.  I’m so thankful they have lots of loving and caring arms to hold them.  

Thank you to the babysitters from today, the awesome meal that was brought in, the kind man who mowed our lawn and my husband whose plate is so full there is no more room.   Thank you to the prayer warriors, meal coordinators, and everyone who has sent us cards, comments and emails.  We can feel your prayers.  I feel a peace that reminds me of that intense peace I felt just 7 months ago when we had a still born daughter who was brought back to life.  Transferred to the NICU.  We were told she was severely brain damaged by the read out on her EEG.  We had people stomping the gates of heaven for her.  God heard our prayers and worked a miracle in her.  Today she is doing everything her brother does (and sometimes better).   God is amazing!

I’m nervous about whether I will be sick tomorrow.  Please pray that I’m not sick from chemo and that the pain and discomfort quickly go away and the healing from the biopsy and surgery is quick.   Please pray for Dusty because things are picking up at work and if you know Dusty he’s a perfectionist so he’ll be stressed about meeting deadlines and taking care of things at home.  Please pray for Brooke and the kids that they stay healthy and keep trusting in God that He will heal me.  Please pray for my parents.  My mom is a rock.  We actually call her glue.  Because sometimes she’s the glue that holds our family together.  Having twins is a lot of work.  Having cancer, chemo and twins is almost undoable.   She knows just when to come over and she blends right in knowing just what to do.  My dad is incredibly generous in helping us with anything we ask and he always does it with a smile on his face.   Please pray for Dusty’s parents too.  His mom has Parkinson’s Disease and they are concerned for us too. 

I started sleeping around 6 p.m. so at 1 a.m. I’m wide awake.   I went right to my computer to read the comments and emails (it’s like Christmas morning). 

Kathy Terpstra from Haven Church has been coordinating meals with our church family.  She’s had a few calls from our greater community to see if and when they can take a meal to us.  She has so kindly requested that I pass along her name and phone number if you want to get on the meal schedule. 

If you would like to bring a meal please contact Kathy Terpstra at 616-499-3578.  I have my schedule linked to my blog so your name will be added to it.  It’s on the left hand side of the screen entitled “schedules”.  I have babysitters listed, meal takers, my appointments and other misc. things.  This is simply an FYI so please do not feel like you have to bring a meal.  I know summer can get very busy and we all look forward to spending time with our kids and families. 

Dusty and I are so humbled and grateful for the outpouring of love and generosity from everyone.  We can’t wait to be on the giving side of it. 

Thank you!

This is going to be a quick post because I’m very tired, but I know some of you were wondering how the surgery went and were praying for me.  The surgery went okay.  It was twice as long as expected because he had a really difficult time getting to the lymph nodes.  He said he had to do a lot of digging.  He removed three lymph nodes and the port was successfully implanted.  Dusty has more details and that is all I remember.  I’m extremely sore and in pain and very tired, but I will be okay. 

My chemo will start tomorrow at 1:00 p.m.  Dr. Housekamp was able to keep an IV or tube or whatever it’s called sticking out of the port so they don’t have to poke me again tomorrow so I’m happy about that.

Thank you again for your prayers.  There is nothing better than feeling the presence of God.

Good night!

So what’s up with cancer anyway?  Doesn’t cancer know that we have 7-month-old twins and a 5-year-old and we don’t have time for it?  Our lives are chaotic already.   We’ve had a difficult year.  Okay, the pity party is over.    

I know that our Heavenly Father is the only one who will get us through this.  He will never leave us.  He is always with me.   Even when I’m scared and I don’t feel like going through cancer or going through chemo.  I don’t feel like having a surgery tomorrow.  I don’t feel like being tired and I don’t feel like being sick.  I just don’t want to do it.  I know He will carry me and my family through this.  I know these things.  I just have to believe and trust in them. 

I feel so blessed to have all of you in my life.  You are so encouraging and supportive that I have no choice but to be positive and lifted up by you.  I’m humbled by how many people are praying for us.  People I’ve never even met!

I received an email from another cancer survivor from Haven Church who said Jeremiah 29:11 kept popping up everywhere during her cancer journey.  It was even in the card we sent her.  So she sent it back to me in an email.  Then Sunday morning we had a guest pastor – Ren Broekhuizen and instead of the standard closing “….may God bless you and keep you and may His face shine upon you and give you peace…” he said the verse from Jeremiah:

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 

I remember smiling and trying to pull my jaw off the ground because there was that verse again.  Now I’m excited to see where else I will hear it or see it.  God talks to us in so many ways.  He is so cool. 

So the plan for tomorrow is to get four injections at 11:00ish at HCH so they can do the lymph node biopsy.  The biopsy and surgery are happening at 3:30.  I still do not know if chemo will start on Wednesday.  I’m working on my patience and I’m hoping Dr. VanderWoude will be in contact soon about that. 

The kids are doing great.  I’m pretty sure Max grew another inch during his afternoon nap.  Samantha is super smiley and jabbering quite a bit.  Brooklyn is doing well.  She thinks my cancer will go away when I go to the doctor.  She’s still trying to figure out that it will take time for my cancer to go away. 

Please pray for my surgery tomorrow.  It’s a minor one, but I don’t like surgeries.  Thank God for all the wonderful helpers who are taking care of my kids – my mom, Kathy and Jill a.k.a. Jilly Bean.  (She gonna hate me for writing that).   As all mothers know, you can’t relax until you know your kids are being well cared for. 

Thank you for your prayers.  Thank you for your support – I can’t believe you cut your hair and you know who you are!  Thank you for your comments (I love them).  

Have a good night 

Dr. VanderWoude called us moments ago to say the CT scans I had yesterday came back normal!  This means the cancer hasn’t spread to my head, chest or pelvic area.  I can breathe a sigh of relief now.  Thank you for your prayers.  God is great and you are awesome people! 

We had a fun night tonight playing with the kids outside, eating the best chicken soup in the whole wide world and chocolate chip cookies. 

Have a great Friday evening!

The last two days have been overwhelming.  I spent yesterday morning coordinating childcare for the next two weeks.  In the afternoon I had lab work and CT scans of my head, chest and pelvis.  The phone is ringing with so many various things – well wishers (thank you very much!), doctor’s offices and hospitals confirming and setting up appointments, other people from the same offices and hospitals to ask me 50,000 health questions and get insurance information.  I’m trying to button up my Nursery responsibilities (thank you Anita Geurink).  I was able to accomplish childcare for the next two weeks, purchase a couple wigs and I played my cancer card to get Anita to agree to be the Nursery Director. 😉  So I’m glad I got those things done. 

Today I had a MUGA scan at Holland Hospital to see if my heart could handle the chemo that I will have next week.   I don’t know the results of that, but my heart couldn’t possibly be bad.  I mean, I have enough problems don’t I?  Okay that’s enough self pity for the day. 

The port surgery has been moved from Monday to Tuesday because they’re going to do the lymph node biopsy at the same time.  So that’s happening at 3:30.   I do not know when chemo will begin.

Aside from being absolutely exhausted I’m still feeling upbeat.  I have many things to be thankful for.  This cancer is just an inconvenient bump in the road of my life.

Please pray for my parents as this is a lot for them.  I can see it in their faces.  They need to get some rest.  I can’t imagine what it would be like to see your daughter/son go through cancer.  Then on top of that, my mom is taking care of our kids.  I won’t say how old my mom is because I don’t think she would appreciate that, but she’s a young one and awesome. 

Going into the weekend and thinking about next week with having the port surgery and then starting chemo we would like to spend it quietly with each other.  We appreciate the love, support and visits, but a phone call or e-mail would be great before stopping by.  This is so overwhelming right now.  We still can’t believe this is happening. 

Here is a picture of me and Mr. Max with my new hair cut.  This is the shortest my hair has ever been!  Yikes.  You can click on the picture to view it larger.

Thanks again and we love you all!

This has been THE LONGEST holiday weekend I’ve ever had.  It was a huge relief to see Dr. Vander Woude tonight.  She seems like a really nice doctor and I’m glad that I have her for my Oncologist. 

I’ve learned that I have a large 4 X 2 cm “aggressive” tumor (probably had it over 5 years).  It’s the worst kind of tumor (on a three negative scale), but the doctor thinks we can beat it with a long treatment plan.  The first step is to do a biopsy of a lymph node which looked suspicious on the MRI.  Then a battery tests will be done – head and body scans to check for cancer elsewhere, bloodwork, etc.  I will also have a port put in for Chemo.  It sounds like Chemo will start next week which will take about half a day every two weeks and will last four to six months.  Once chemo is complete, I’ll have  surgery and then radiation. 

I’m quite sore after last week’s biopsy and I have a lot of bruising.  Thankfully my mom was here all day today to lift the babies which helps a lot with soreness and swelling.   

After tonight’s appointment I’m optimistic because now we have a plan.   I was relieved to hear they will be able to control the nausea from chemo.  I was so nervous about that because Zofran (an anti-nausea drug they use for chemo patients) was given to me during pregnancy last year and it didn’t help me at all.  I’m freaking out about losing my hair.  Dusty and I will look like a very interesting couple now. 🙂  I’ve decided to cut my hair very short because I’ve always wondered what I would look like with short hair.   It is what it is. 

We’re ready to fight this with everything we have. 

Please pray that the cancer hasn’t spread to my lymph nodes.  That the scans, tests and putting in the port goes well.  Dusty had a shift in job responsibilities (all good) so please pray that the transition goes well for him and isn’t too stressful on top of all this cancer stuff. 

Brooklyn asked tonight what the cancer would do if I didn’t get chemo.  I told her that I would get to go to heaven.  After a long, thoughtful pause she said “then you’ll get to know what God and Jesus look like!”  Too cute. 

Max and Samantha are doing well and blissfully oblivious to all of this. 

I love reading your emails, comments, etc.  Thank you, thank you, thank you for them. 

Wow I can’t believe this has happened. This is how it began……I went to the doctor two months ago because I found a lump. The lump was confirmed and I was sent for a CT scan. It was diagnosed as Mastitis and I was put on a round of antibiotics, Amoxicillin. I went back to the doctor two weeks later and nothing had changed so we decided to try one more round of antibiotics, Keflex. After no change I was referred to Dr. Housekamp, a general surgeon. Dr. Housekamp ordered an MRI and put me on another round of antibiotics, Doxycycline. The MRI results came back last Wednesday and Dr. Housekamp suggested having a biopsy right away. So quickly in fact that he came in on his day off to perform the biopsy. They put a rush on it and Friday at 4:20 I was informed by Dr. Housekamp that it’s cancer. He didn’t have the full written report yet – just the verbal. He said it’s a ductal cancer. It’s an aggressive cancer. It’s an inflammatory type of cancer, but we don’t know what stage it is or whether it has spread to my lymph nodes. He said we would start with chemo and then do surgery. He referred me to Dr. Amy Vander Woude who I am seeing Tuesday evening.

So right now we’re wrapping our minds around this diagnosis of cancer. We’re trying to accept it. Life is so busy for us. We were looking forward to a summer without morning sickness and being pregnant (anyone remember last summer?). Without the store. We were looking forward to enjoying a care free summer with our 7-month-old twins and 5-year-old daughter. However, it is what it is (I say that a lot).

We know God has been faithful to us in the past. He performs miracles. He proved it last October with Samantha (our daughter) and he can do it again.We told Brooklyn about the cancer Saturday morning and she reacted exactly the way we thought she would. She handled it very well and then asked if she could watch a movie. 🙂

Please pray that the cancer hasn’t spread. Pray for Dusty as he is going through this with me. Pray for our children that their lives may not be too disrupted by this. I know God can heal me. We have put our faith and trust in Him. THANK YOU for your prayers, emails, phone calls, visits, cards and flowers. They are all so encouraging. I will let you know what happens on Tuesday.