I’ve been taking a hiatus from cancer.  I know I have it.  I know it’s there, but without chemo I’ve been feeling pretty good and have enjoyed pretending to lead a normal life. 

I’ve had a great time over the past few weeks.  Max and Samantha turned one.  Brooklyn turned six.  My dad turned another year older (I don’t think he’d appreciate me writing his age).  Jill had a birthday (same goes for Jill).  Happy Birthday everyone!

The birthdays are done.  The parties are over.  It was nice to have them as a distraction.  The next part of my cancer journey is about to begin.  Surgery is becoming very real to me.  For a while it was so far away that I didn’t think about it all the time.  Now I have 12 days left.  I felt numb for a while, but now I think about it alot.  I went for preadmission testing at Holland Hospital yesterday and I think that made it sink in a little more.  I’m nervous about the surgery.  I’m sad about losing body parts.  I’m angry that I won’t be able to hold Max and Samantha for many days. 

After surgery I have radiation for 6-8 weeks and then reconstructive surgery.  I’m almost half way there. 

Thank you for your prayers and supporting my family through this. 

Please pray that the next 12 days go quickly for me.  That the surgery goes well.  That the kids stay healthy.  That Dusty is able to deal with the family, work and other obligations.  

For your viewing pleasure:

Samantha, Brooklyn and Max with their shared birthday cake

Happy Birthday Max!

Happy Birthday Brooklyn!

Samantha loves cake!

Max isn’t sure he likes cake.

Max doesn’t like cake

I had very good results from the MRI I had last week Tuesday.  The words on the final report are “there has been response to chemotherapy.  Almost all of the enhancement (I think that means tumor) is no longer identified.”  When I asked Dr. Vander Woude what the measurement of the tumor is, she said it’s so small they didn’t measure it.  Isn’t that great news?  In May I had a 2×4 cm tumor and now it’s so small they didn’t even measure it.  Amazing.  Thank God!  This is because of our great God.   

Life is getting better.  Much better than what it was this past summer.  The side effects from the chemo that seem to linger are numbness and tingling in my feet and fatigue.  The fatigue is the most bothersome, but I’m still having a lot of fun.  Last Friday we went to Cranes in Fennville, Saturday was the Race for a Cure and Sunday I went to church (no more couch church!). 

Thank you to everyone for your continued cards, encouragement, generosity, love and support.  Not just for me and my family, but our parents and friends.  We love you all. 

I’ve been feeling really good lately.  It’s been SO NICE!  I’ve been doing some normal mom stuff.  I love it.  I’m still pretty tired, but overall things are going well.  I went to Brooklyn’s soccer game last Saturday.  Good times.

Now that I’ve been out and about more I realize most people don’t recognize me with my wig on.  It’s really funny.  I’ve seen some of you and you don’t know it’s me.  I’ll say hi and I get the nice smile and hello, but no recognition.  Others just look right through me.  It’s hilarious.  So if you were at Zeeland Christian, Meijers or church lately and a stranger said hello to you, it was probably me.  🙂 

I had an MRI at Spectrum last night to see how big the tumor is.  Getting an MRI is intense.  The machine is so loud it’s crazy.  It went well though.  I don’t have results yet.  Hopefully I’ll have them Friday. 

Today I met with Dr. Hoberman.  I really like her and now Dusty was able to meet her too.  I’m having a double mastectomy with a modified radical mastectomy on the right side.  This means they’re also taking my axillary (under arm) lymph nodes.  At the end of the visit, she even prayed for us.  She’s a wonderful surgeon.

Oh and guess what…my surgery was moved again!  This time it was because Holland Hospital didn’t have an OR available for the block of time they need.  My surgery is now on November 5.  I have 43 days left. 

School is going well for Brooklyn.  Max and Samantha are doing well.  I can’t believe they’ll be a year next month!  Time flies. 

I’ll see some of you Saturday at the Race For A Cure.  I can’t wait.

The past couple days have been much better.  My heart is still beating out of whack, but it’s not as bad as earlier in the week.  It helps to know it’s not life threatening.  I’m also starting to feel better from the effects of chemo.  Thank God! 

Since there was a conflict in schedules with one of the surgeons, my surgery date was moved from October 23 to October 30.  This will be nice for Brooklyn, Max and Samantha’s birthdays.  Not so nice for Halloween.  Do you think I can trick or treat in the hospital?  I won’t even have to dress up!  🙂

I checked the goal for Laps for Lindy last night and we are over it!  That is so awesome.  I am blown away at how many people are participating.  It’s nice to know so many people care.  Not only about me and my family, but about finding a cure.  Thank you for signing up and your support.  I can’t wait to see the team next week Saturday.  I will be there cheering you on. 

This morning I’m going to watch Brooklyn’s soccer game and then hang out with the kids for the day.  I can’t wait. 

Have a great weekend! 

My heart has been beating irregularly since Monday.  So this morning I thought I better call the doctor and figure out what it is.  They sent me straight to the E.R.  (sorry for freaking you out Kathy).

They ran an EEG, EKG, did a chest x-ray and lab work.  They found my heart is taking an extra beat and that I’m low on potassium and magnesium.  They gave me supplements and sent me on my merry way. 

So half the day was spent with the awesome people at Holland Hospital’s Emergency Department.  Jill happens to work in the E.R. so when she heard I was there, she drove over and hooked me up with all the greatest amenities (the cleanest bathrooms, disinfected x-ray room, etc – you know, the important things). 

I tell ya, just when you think you’re in the home stretch and it’s nothing but smooth sailing from now til surgery, something like today happens and throws ya for a loop.  I AM READY TO LIVE A NORMAL LIFE!  I was looking forward to bringing Brooke to school and spending the day with Kathy and the babies. 

Speaking of surgery, I was supposed to have an appointment with Dr. Hoberman (surgeon) today, but had to reschedule due to the E.R. visit.  It sounds like my surgeries are scheduled for October 23.  That also happens to be Brooklyn’s 6th birthday.  Don’t tell Brooke that my surgery will be on her birthday.  We’ll figure something out for that.  I was hoping to have the surgeries sooner, but they need to wait at least six weeks after my last chemo to perform the surgery.  It gives my body time to recover I suppose.

Thank you Kathy for taking care of Max, Samantha and Brooke today during all the drama.  Thanks mom for taking me to the E.R., bringing Brooke to and from school and being there.  Thank you Jill for coming to the hospital even though you knew I’d tell you not to.   

This is so exhausting.  I’m sick of cancer living my life. 

However, I know I’ll feel better soon and will rejoin society.  Go to Brooke’s soccer practice and games.  Seeing our small group Monday night.   Normal stuff.

And my heart is still beating irregularly…

I’m all done with chemo.  I cannot believe it.  Done.  All done!  It feels awesome and surreal.  My last treatment was today and not only that, but I don’t need to have a Neulasta shot tomorrow!  Yippee! 

Here are pictures of me receiving my first chemo in June and my last chemo today.  Please excuse how I look.  I look terrible!

This is Kendra.  She’s my nurse that has been with me since the beginning.  She always gave me my chemo and usually my fluids (when I needed them), my Neulasta shots, answered all my silly questions and held my hand through this. 

Wow…what a summer it has been.  I was diagnosed Memorial Day weekend and finished just after Labor Day weekend.  My summer was literally doing and dealing with chemo.  Even though chemo was torture, I had some pretty good highlights too.  This summer I got to see Max and Samantha start crawling, say “dada”, start standing, start cruising and feeding themselves.  I got to see Brooklyn swim all by herself and take ballet class and develop into a sweet and caring little girl.  She is such a good big sister to them.

The other thing I learned this summer is that I have really great family and friends.  I mean, I always knew all of you were terrific, but you’ve gone above and beyond what I could ever imagine.    

Part of today’s appointment was meeting with Dr. VanderWoude.  I was relieved to hear she disagrees with needing to take my ovaries.  She explained that because my BRCA tests (genetic testing) came back negative that I am not at increased risk for ovarian cancer.  I have the same odds as everyone else.  So I’ve decided not to let them take them.  I am so glad about that. 

Thank you for the flowers that you sent me today (you know who you are), the cookies, cards and emails.  I could not have made it without your support.  All of your prayers have kept me moving forward.  At my deepest darkest moments (and believe me, I had many) it helped to know that I had people pulling and praying for me.   Each of you are a part of our lives for a reason and we feel blessed to have you.  God has been good to me.

The next step is to make it through the last effects of chemo which takes about two weeks with the worst of it being this weekend.  Then an MRI to see how much the tumor shrunk.  I meet with Dr. Hoberman next week about the mastectomy and hysterectomy which will happen in October.   We don’t have a date set for that yet. 

I’ve made it this far and I believe through the worst of it.  I know surgery will be tough and radiation isn’t fun, but chemo was really hard and I’m so glad it’s done. 

I had my second to last round of chemo yesterday.  Everything went well.  My lab work is another story.  My hemoglobin (red cells) are really low so I’m anemic.  If they drop into the eights (I’m currently in the nines) I’ll need a blood transfusion.  My white blood cells were so low that they had to do a Neulasta shot today.  When white cells are low I’m very susceptible to illness so I need to avoid large crowds and public areas.  Neulasta boosts my white blood cells.  It’s a bummer though because Neulasta adds to bone, joint and muscle pain.  It’s going to be a rough weekend. 

Dusty and I met with Dr. Dodde today.  I liked him.  He’s going to be my reconstructive surgeon.  He went over three options for me.  One of which isn’t a good option (just implants).  The two options he wants me to consider are a TRAM flap or a Latissimus Dorsi flap.  I’m spare you the full details of each, but the gist for the TRAM flap is that they take your stomach muscles, tissue and skin and move them up (no implants).  The Latissimus Dorsi flap takes muscles, tissue and skin from under your arm and part of your back, bring it around front and reconstruct from there.  This would involve implants.  Either procedure takes about 5-6 hours and weeks of recovery.  I have a lot to consider.  I’m thankful I have a lot of time to weigh my options. 

It seems like I have so much going on.  Everything is changing.  It’s a lot to digest.  Please pray for guidance. 

I was so excited to see some people joined the Laps for Lindy team.  How fun!  Thank you for participating either physically and/or finacially.  That’s great!  We hope to be there cheering everyone on!

Just a quick note to say that I saw Dr. Vander Woude today.  She is extremely happy with how I’m responding to chemo.  She said the tumor continues to shrink. 

I also got the results of my genetic testing and it’s negative!  This means that I do not have a mutation of the BRCA1 or BRCA2 gene.  Therefore I do not need to have my ovaries removed and it also means that Brooklyn, Max and Samantha are not at increased risk for cancer.  We are so relieved; especially for the sake of our kids.